I wont lie, I have had those thoughts of revenge. In those thoughts it is small things, like, I am not going to let her have the house, just because. Because I am angry. Or I will take the dogs away from here, so she cant see them. I wont act on that because I don't want to be that person. I don't want that on me. So I feel like I get what you are saying.

It has been hard lately because I question what I am doing. I have those recurring thoughts. That I still have disbelief in what is happening and how I got here. I feel time is closing in on me, and that very soon I will need to make some big choices. I am talking about my home, and where I will go from here. I have started looking at my options, so that when she says, this is it, I will have an idea what I will do. I wont lead the way on this, because I know this is her journey. But knowing my options I figure cant hurt.

I am trying to be strong, and to stay focused, but sometimes I am overwhelmed with sadness at this loss. I feel like some things will trigger it, and I just don't see the feelings coming. I try not to linger in the feelings, rather to acknowledge them and then do something else.

Like coming home last night, she was here, but asleep. She was gone when I got up. But coming home last night, and her being in the house, in her room, I just felt like she was purposely avoiding me. She was, and it still just brought on some sadness. I know I need to let that go, and most nights it fine. For some reason last night it just hit me again. This has been a rollercoaster for sure.

Today is new day though, and I have my routine to do.


Me:36
Her:35
together 11yrs
M 7 1/2yrs
lived together 10yrs
2dogs 2cats
Mortgage on a house

bomb dropped 01/12/14
Separate bedrooms/W stays here some nights
I want to stay married