Mel, you are brave. This is hard stuff here and you're really trying. Kudos to you. I think what 25 is saying is that the way you talk about and feel about your H is so harsh. And that doesn't help you or the kids. I get that your H is a total a$$hat. I don't doubt that for a second. But he is what he is and he ain't what he ain't. You piling on more interpretive poop on top of what he does or says, accurate or not, doesn't help. Indeed, it's toxic. You did love him once and he is a human being. So maybe try and just accept what he says or does with the compassion of knowing that he's trapped by all his jerkiness and let it go. You don't need to twist yourself up about how wrong he is all the time. Breathe a little. There used to be a saying in this board, "not forgiving your H is like lighting yourself on fire just to get smoke in their eyes." Give it a rest, even if it's just to spare you further angst. You are never gonna make him see he's wrong, especially by judging him. It may make you feel more vindicated but it will still put a knot in your stomach. Accepting who he truly is, a jerk, doesn't mean you have to like it or agree with it. It just means that you get to drop all the judgment, which doesn't do any good any way, and bring a bit more peace to you and your family. But you are really hurt and are not ready to let that go. It's understandable. It will get better. It will.
