Separate and Filed walking on

[paul19510]

Hi Paul,

Just wanted to say I am sending you positive thoughts your way. One way to look at it is that, we really never know what the future holds. Really. I had no idea H was going to tell me while folding laundry that he didn't think he was in love with me anymore and had always loved me more than I loved him. I was floored. That was a bad surprise, but I never anticipated it to happen:)

Anyway, it looks like you are doing what is best for you and that is what is most important. I agree that working on the m is best, but honestly I think it really says a great deal about someone's character who is not willing to try together with their spouse for a year. But that is just me.

Take care!

hi GB. thanks for checking in on me. I appreciate the encouragement. W and I just don't want the same thing. We just don't., I have to accept what I can't change and keep going forward. Someone reminded me today that my kids saw me as living unhappily for years and trying to fix it unsuccessfully. they saw the repeated rejections and my seemly just living with that even though it was not what I wanted in a M. they didn't respect it. they do respect me now. I stood up for what I believe. its not what W wants, but at least I've stated my case and I am standing by my wants and needs.

[paul19510]

Hey Paul,

Hoping for the best for you and your kids.

Hang in there, man.

thanks H2o

[Georgiabelle]

Hi Paul,

I wanted to clarify that I wasn't insinuating you didn't give it your everything. You did and you can put your head on your pillow and know you did your best. That is something to feel great about doing.

[hope456]

Someone reminded me today that my kids saw me as living unhappily for years and trying to fix it unsuccessfully. they saw the repeated rejections and my seemly just living with that even though it was not what I wanted in a M. they didn't respect it. they do respect me now. I stood up for what I believe. its not what W wants, but at least I've stated my case and I am standing by my wants and needs.

I think this ^^^^ is pretty important. I'm glad you are doing the right thing for you and that your kids see and respect it. It's one of the things I think about with D7. I don't want to teach her that giving up at the first sign of trouble is the right thing, but I also want to give her an example she can respect. It looks like you've done that for your kids!

[paul19510]

Someone reminded me today that my kids saw me as living unhappily for years and trying to fix it unsuccessfully. they saw the repeated rejections and my seemly just living with that even though it was not what I wanted in a M. they didn't respect it. they do respect me now. I stood up for what I believe. its not what W wants, but at least I've stated my case and I am standing by my wants and needs.

I think this ^^^^ is pretty important. I'm glad you are doing the right thing for you and that your kids see and respect it. It's one of the things I think about with D7. I don't want to teach her that giving up at the first sign of trouble is the right thing, but I also want to give her an example she can respect. It looks like you've done that for your kids!

thanks for the encouragement. I am trying..might not have done it all "right" but I am trying.

[paul19510]

Journal: All the initial paperwork is completed and there's nothing left to do but to have the L send it to W. Life moves forward. Still have questions in my mind sometimes as to Why...?

it no longer matters. it is what it is. w came by to pick up D13 yesterday. Was cold and distant. She's not even a friendly person. not at all a person I even know. I personally find this disturbing.

I am moving forward. I am doing what many have suggested. When I feel something, I realize that I do ad just let it roll. that's the only thing I can do.

when I read the divorce complaint, it says my marriage is "irretrievably broken" and that I have a right to request marriage counseling as part of this process. I guess even that state wants to make sure people don't jump the gun. UGH. this sukks

[MamaB]

I'm sorry Paul, I agree divorce su#ks! Hugs to you today.

[paul19510]

thanks MamaB

[paul19510]

Journal: I still have a ways to walk. I need to transform what is happening with my situation into a "gift" or a lesson. I still focus to much on what W did or did not do that got me/us to this place. That will not serve me well going forward. I made or tried to make plans to have coffee with someone new. Just some time to lesrn to be socisl and single again. She wanted to but then she had others things that conflicted with the timing of our get together. I felt the feelings I got when W rejected me for similar events.

I noticed this and I wished this oerson a good evening and I disengaged. I still have a ways to walk. Much to learn. I know my M is over. But my life is not. What can i learn from this "gift".? How can I make the next part of my life count for something?.

[juliegayle]

Paul.. this is certainly a process and you are still only at the beginning of your journey. I think one way we can look at success is to really examine the changes we have made in ourselves. Were these things we just did as a reaction to BD or have we really internalized. It is wonderful that you were able to recognize a negative response to your new friend being busy and put a stop to it.