melissa

[melissag]

Happy Friday!

I still need to learn how not to let my H ruin my day.

Had a great time with my kids today (they had the day off school), then went to our TKD belt testing. It was fun, and I think we all did pretty well. Got to break a board at the end which is always fun.

I found myself thinking those old thoughts about H that I used to think - how annoying he is in TKD. He always has to be the best at everything. To the point that, during kicking, he knocked over the instructor who was holding the pad. When we run during warm up, he has to sprint and lap everyone. We all broke boards at the end of our testing. My D9 broke a teenage board, S7 broke an adult board (as did I) but of course my H had to ask to break two adult boards at once. Ugh. It reminded me of when my H would play Candyland with my then D3, and he would school her every time. Who needs to assert their athletic or intellectual dominance over children?

Anyway, whatever. I just laughed in my head. But I want to get to a point where I don't give a crap what he does at all (or if he farts in my general direction while he laps me during warm-up).

Detach, detach, detach!!!

So then afterward, I was in a good mood and of course H had to glare and scowl at me, speak to me in a bitchy tone, and then insist that he needs to come to my D9's doctor appointment tomorrow. The man has been to approximately .01% of my kids' appointments of any kind. It should be so fun for all of us to go. My D9 doesn't want Dad to go. S7 doesn't want to sit there bored. And my H is just going to scowl at me. So, I think I will just have to be Bob Barker.

I found myself being angry because I let H take the kids both nights this weekend, to be nice. And I said, when I agreed to that, that I needed to pick up D9 to take her to her appointment. Then I get his scowls and insistence on coming to the appointment. And then I get an email from my lawyer about his proposed parenting plan. And I realized . . . I must have had some expectations when I agreed to let him have the kids this weekend.

Ugh.

Must. Get. Back. On. Track.

I need to be the SAME person no matter what H does, and make the decisions I want to make, regardless of what H may or may not do in return/reaction/whatever.

Maybe I should write it in Sharpie on my arm.