H has been sick all week- he thanked me several times for the cough medicine, but no other contact-which is fine because I don't want to get sick, either. He has gone quiet------ haven't heard a peep in a few days. But, that seems to be his normal pattern.
Enough about him! I've got bowling tonight and I'm going out of town to a concert tomorrow. It's country, which I'm not even a fan of, but I jumped at the chance to get out of the house!!! Beers and laughs are on the agenda.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Documentation of bizarre behavior: I noticed as I pulled out of the garage that there was a large garbage bag on my side porch. It was not there this morning.
Side note: H collects cans to take to the industrial recycling plant, where he can get money instead of just putting it in the recycling bin with the trash. He has one of his friends save all the cans from his house.
The garbage bag on the side of the house is full of cans.
What this means: sometime today H drove 30 minutes over here to leave the bag on the side porch, instead of taking another 45 seconds to put the bag with the others behind the shed so no one can see it.
Weirdo.
And THAT'S why the title of this thread...
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Saw H today. He texted yesterday and asked if we could walk the dogs this morning. It's raining here, so we just hung out instead.
He was very affectionate- I got long hugs, I love yous and I miss yous. We took one of the dogs to the vet for a nail clipping and he rubbed my back as we were walking in.
It came out in conversation that he's been in regular contact with his D18, in fact they had dinner in January- that's the first time they saw each other in 4 years. That's a good sign for both if them, regardless of our M or R.
He was in a good mood. He mentioned the bag of cans, which are gone now And said he almost stopped by Saturday night to say hi, but didn't know if I was home (which he knew I was off GAL, mind reading but I think he was a bit curious as to who I went with and when I would get home).
Anyway- it was a nice visit and I was PMA the whole time. He mentioned doing dinner with D12 next week.
We shall see what happens next...
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
H texted me yesterday asking if he can take the dog to the lake this weekend. What this means: he's going out of town with his friends- one of which is the OW (and her husband, BTW, but I guess if they're all okay hanging out together, then that's their issue).
While the fact he is still continuing to party with these people who openly disrespect me and don't value M is disappointing,I'm mainly disappointed he doesn't see how mentioning it to me and asking about the dog would be of concern. He could have easily just asked to take her for the weekend... No added info needed.
I made the mistake of hoping he was distancing himself from them because he hadn't mentioned them in 3 months. I own that expectation.
I did not respond to the text, because I did not want to REACT, I want to RESPOND. He may not bring it up again, but if he does what should I do?
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
For the vets: my answer is "No, it's not okay". Do I ignore the text and hope he just drops it, do I take this opportunity to set a boundary?
Here's the problem for him: he's going to realize here soon that he cannot hold on to both me and this other life with OW. These are the only people he hangs out with, and they all come in this big, codependent bunch. It's all or nothing with them. Lol. So basically it will be him choosing me or his social life as he's known it for over 2.5 years.
I know that will have to happen eventually. I'm not at a place where I can hear that answer without having a major emotional reaction right now. I still have detaching to do.
How should I handle this????
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
I'm sorry you are struggling a bit with this. I know all too well about h's hanging out with a not so positive crowd. (My h hangs out with 25 year olds he met in the last few months who have never met me and post that he should hurry up and divorce me. They of course aren't married with kids).
I would say if you are okay with him taking the dog a simple "that's fine" works. If you don't want him to I would say, " No thanks." Short and simple in your response. Am I understanding that you are one who primarily cares for the dog? If so, you shouldn't have to accommodate h's request for the dog simply because it's convenient for him. They always like to have the "responsibility" when and only when it works for him.
Hang in there!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
