I may also have been interpreting "give them space" as "Don't pressure them." I think a more aggressive approach would definitely pressure them. "Don't pressure them" is not on the list.
There are a lot of things that are not on that list. Those were written off the top of my head to a LBH in a post, then it started getting passed around, and thus nicknamed Sandi's rules. They aren't rules at all, but just some do and do not tips. If I had know beforehand. I would have done a much better job.
I do want to comment about putting pressure on her. What I advise against is pressure from the H perusing the WAW while she's in an A. Pressure from him smothering her with his attention and presence. Pressure from him initiating R talks, and several other things along these lines. That is what I mean by putting pressure on her. I am not referring to the pressure of consequences or pressures from the H standing up and making firm decisions to protect himself, his children, and his home, etc. I am not talking about pressure she experiences as direct or indirect consequences of her A.
I don't really like to use the word "aggressive" b/c many people immediately relate it negatively. But can you see the difference with these few examples?
I had never even thought about anyone seeing the list as being passive actions, b/c it can be used as a guide to the LRT. But one size doesn't fit all stitches. Everyone thinks their stitch is unique, so if that's the case, they have to figure out what works and what doesn't.
About wanting her to leave the marital bedroom........just be sure you aren't the one to move out to sleep elsewhere. And if you ask her......he11 may freeze over before she returns, so think carefully before making that decision. I am not saying you are wrong in how you feel. It is a personal decision. But you may regret it later.
If you have not stuck to the list, or one like it, then I suggest you do that first. If you aren't able to adhere to those........then how can you do more?
I suggest you think more about putting clear boundaries in place. Not as a tool to control or punish your W, but it is set to protect your family. Be certain you understand the true definition and purpose before you start slinging the term around her. You want it to be effective. And by all means, once stated......you best stick by it. Think ahead before you say what they are. What will be the consequences if they are not honored? This is one type of "aggressive" approach I advise to the LBS.
Do you have goals set for yousel? Not her, but you1. Don't set a personal goal and say something like, "For my W to give me a kiss by the end of the week". That would be about her actions, not yours.
What are you doing to GAL?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
