Do you see an therapist on some degree of frequency? If not, then maybe you should give it a try. Are you on anti depressants? If not, then you may want to try those as well.
I have not been seeing a therapist, but I have been considering one. I am not on anti-depressants, though I was at one point during this process. I don't "think" I am depressed, at least I don't believe so. My moods don't swing much. I am not way up. I am not way down. I am more dispassionate, but with a lot on my mind. My mind and some of my heart just feels HEAVY. I guess that is the best way I can explain it.
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
Quote:
but my life doesn't seem to be moving forward.
What does moving forward look like to YOU? Can you describe in a little more detail what you want to see/feel/have in order to feel like you are moving forward.
I simply want to feel happy again. I want to feel that life has some purpose, some path, some dependability. I felt really secure in my marriage. I don't feel that way any longer. I almost have a feeling of urgency, but I don't know why. It just feels like I am spinning my wheels and going through the motions of life. Don't get me wrong. I am out there GAL. I am happy with work. I am happy with my home... but it just isn't fulfilling me.
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
Quote:
It is just so hard for me to imagine how two people, partners, who were so loving at one time, who brought a daughter into this world that means more to them than anything, can end up where we are today.
Reflecting and pondering why, what happened, how could it happen….is not healthy. You cannot change the past SP…you can though change and write YOUR future. You may never understand why your stbxw became who she is today. IMO, it was a choice that SHE made for HERSELF. It is now time for YOU to make a choice for YOURSELF. A choice to drop the rope and begin to really focus on what YOU need to feel better about YOU.
This is exactly what I am struggling with, and it is the thing that is likely holding me back. I just can't seem to find a way around it yet. I am improving, day by day, week by week, but it has been on a very slow timeline.
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
Quote:
I have accepted that I can't change it, so this morning I wake up, breath in, breath out and go to work.
Acceptance is one thing – letting go is quite another and that is where I think you may be struggling a bit. Let it, her GO. Train yourself to think of other things whenever you start thinking about her. Fill your days with laughter and joy. You can do it buddy! Ya just have to make that choice and keep working at it.
I think I need to do what you are explaining here. I need to teach my mind to redirect. I notice that I have a tendency to default to certain thoughts whenever something triggers me. I mostly know what those triggers are, interactions with wife, unforeseen encounters, whatever. I just need to learn how to redirect my thoughts.
