melissa

[melissag]

The only reason a father would fight for custody of and time with his children is to control his W? This is certainly a possibility, but it's not only mind-reading, it's mind reading a complete stranger AND possibly fueling Melissa's fire. I don't think any of those are good ideas.

I don't doubt that my H loves his kids. In reality, though, he has acknowledged that (like a lot of other men, not all though) he doesn't get the same joy out of them that I do. He has a lot less patience, and he views his own needs/happiness as paramount to theirs.

I spent a long while being upset by this - wishing for both the kids' sakes and his, that he would be different. I actually was recently coming around to accepting that he is just different than I am, and that's OK. It worked, because I enjoy spending time with the kids and I don't feel that they are preventing me from living my life, so it was OK for me to spend more time with them while he went out and did what he wanted.

After he moved out, he told me that he was considering how he really felt about the kids, and whether he is just too selfish to be a good father.

My H has terrible parenting role models, and I am not sure he has a good grasp of what a good father would be like.

I agree that we shouldn't be mind reading, but it's plainly obvious that my H is going for 50/50 in order to piss me off. He was fine with less until he got pissed off at me.

So, no, I don't think that he ONLY wants to see the kids to manipulate me, but he is quite definitely going at my achilles heel to try to spite me.

PM, I think it's awesome that you are so involved with your girls and derive so much joy from them. My H is not like quite the same - I think it may have to do with his narcissistic tendencies.

And I agree with 25 as well. If he does get 50/50 and becomes a great Dad, all the better for my kids.

I truly do have my kids' best interests in mind; I am going to see a child psych in about ten days, because it is important to me to make sure that I am not allowing my own desires/feelings to get in the way of what is best for them.

As for detaching . . . it's a work in progress for sure.

Here's what I have been mulling. I feel much more detached when H is being a jerk. When he is nice and charming, that is when I have a hard time, because I feel like I get sucked into seeing the H I thought he was and then I am disappointed that our M is over.

Do you think that means I am not truly detached at all? Ever?