I didn't see your last post till now. My IC said i should continue with coffee in the morning and lunches, etc. He said if my goal is to reconcile you should continue with that and if not tell her to do it herself. Should i just do my laundry and not hers for eg. When she does laundry she still does mine. When she cooks dinner she still cooks mine ...anyone else feel free to chime in Thanks.
Your IC its a human being with his/her own beliefs, there is a chapter in the DR that talks about this and points you towards the direction that some therapist might help you move faster towards divorce... You are seeing this as a way to please the tiger so it doesnt bite you... And the way and only way to R as hard as it sounds its to detach and to put the energy into improve yourself.... Did your W ask to D because you werent cleaning and cooking??? Or there are other problems behind that D word?
I mean if she said I want D because you dont clean, cook and prepare coffee I can understand the point of this to help you R... But whats next? I want to D because you are 5 7" and now I like 5 9" guys??
The whole point of this and the main reason why you guys got to the big D word its because at certain point you both started not to accept the other partner so to go back to accept...time and space its necessary and thats what she is doing now... If she cooks for you....thank you that was delicious.... But you dont have to cook back...you are responsable for your own clothes and everything.... Not to tell you to stop doing laundry but to do it because they are your clothes... I dont know if you get the point... But try to look into this...its different to do things out of love than out of fear of her getting upset..or that she is going to leave you...
Its not a punishment to stop doing things for the partner when they want D, its a way not to pursue and show ourselves that we can be happy with or without them...nothing else.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
