Need help saving my family - part 6

[ye21]

And what DB teaches you is not just to save your marriage, but how to make sure you you do reconcile, that it's not just for a second. To get to this point, this must change. You don't just " win your spouse back". Those who just win their spouses back end up right back here with multiple bomb drops.

I agree with the last part, again for that to happens both needs to work in improving their own love for themselves.

He is fighting FOR his children, not against his wife.

I dont agree with that, he is fighting his wife for his children, as you can see in his posts...


Not filing D does not improve anyone's chance of reconcilliation. Actually the filling of d has IMPROVED the chances of reconcilliation in many instances.

For some people did it for others no, its a choice and you can choose, the only chance to improve a R is first to learn to love ourselves and not judge others, D its a simple piece of paper, love for yourself or others its a little more than a paper...

Honestly, I've NEVER once asked either of my parents who filed first and who fought the hardest. That never ever crossed my mind at all. In my world view as a child, the following things were uppermost in my mind:

As always its a way of talking I have no idea what the kids will ask but if it was my case, I will do arrangements for my kids to benefit of the options I could provide them...however I will not fight my W to made her understand why I choose those arrangements. At the end of the day I will be doing things for the benefit of my kids....spend time with them, provide them economically and so on, to do those things I dont need my W acceptance or input at all, so I dont have to ask her about those matters....I will dialogue with her once I want to choose schools, and practical things....
If we ask his W hey can you hold calm conversations about your kids with your H? Will she say yes or no?

You seem to imply that they're in the wrong for filing D which is insane to begin with! They would MUCH rather save their M. Filing for D is something that all of DBers need to do in order to protect their families and finances. Nobody is happy to file for D. Who is??!!!

I am not "impliying" nothing, I have no idea if they are happy about that or not...thats for them to say...
Who said that DBers need to fill for D? In which chapter of the book you saw that? Are you again seing DB as a "method" to bring them back or the reality of DB is a way to bring the love for yourself back and as a consequence sometimes spouses come back?


It takes two to tango....
Chapter 4-- it takes one to tango