wife hardens heart-7

[planet]

I called the girl that kinda 'broke up' with me weeks ago. It was weird because we didn't start any relationship so in that sense there was none. Anyway, I wanted to share with her about the group of friends that I had just made n connected immediately. No particular reason why I called. It's just that she helped me through some difficult moments since BD and I wanted her to share my happiness. We ended up having dinner couple of days later. We had a few more meet ups in the following weeks and all on her initiative.

Tonight she called. Her relative is terminally ill. She was looking for some support so I went to meet her. I just wanted to comfort her. She's kinda down but I think I managed to cheer her up. We talked until the restaurant closed and went outside to continue. Suddenly she just stood closely and our arms are touching. Her head was already resting on my shoulder and I was stunned. I didn't know how to react. She asked me to stand closer when I did move away. She asked me what did I like in her. I did everything she asked and I think she felt that I was kinda pulling away.

When we decided to leave for home. She held my arm and made her way to my hand. I just stopped and asked her. "Are you sure about this? Are you sure about us? I'm not ready."
Her response was, "Who says that we are going for a relationship? I just want to live in this moment".
I walked her to her car while still holding hands.

As I drove home, I asked myself many questions. I'm not sure that I'm over XW. I didn't want to start any other relationship just yet. That girl was in a bad place emotionally these couple of days and tonight she may not be thinking right. I pulled back instead of going all in. I'm confused and I wanted some affection too.

This is exactly what I when through 10 years ago with XW. I didn't really pursue her. XW just drew closer and the next thing I know, we are dating. XW resented me for not pursuing her. She told me a couple of times before BD. I was unsure then and I'm in exactly the same place now.

I don't want things to get complicated. Not now. Just not now.