When to Give Up?

[hrthrt9]

I'm with you there Broken- my STBXW thinks we will be close friends after the D. Maybe in time, as there is love there between us, but it's not the position I want. I can't rescue her from her choices, nor can she rescue me from mine- hopefully that helps you too Broken1.

[MrBond]

"I know how much sense that makes and how true that statement is but actually putting it into practise is a whole other ball game,"

No it's not.

"I know I hold the key but i'm not brave enough or strong enough to put it in that lock..."

Yes you are.

"I dont know how to find that strength, I know I have it within me but cant locate it at the moment!"

Yes you can.

The problem isn't that you "CAN'T". The problem is that you WON'T.

Instead of looking at the overall picture and overall goal, just take a small step. It doesn't have to be a big one. It could be as simple as walking out to the driveway while clearing your mind. Then the next week, you go a foot further away. The next week, another foot, etc. And before you know it, you're doing it on your own as a part of you.

Not difficult at all.

I've worked with kids who have terminal illnesses who never fail to have a smile on their face and the incredible sense to just want to live. They feel that any day that they can actually wake up, is a good day.

Do the same.

[MrBond]

Oh, BTW, the first thing I would do if I were you is to change your username. If you keep calling yourself "broken" you will ALWAYS be broken.

Choose something more positive. Use that to get your @$$ in gear.

[Upwards]

I'm with you there Broken- my STBXW thinks we will be close friends after the D. Maybe in time, as there is love there between us, but it's not the position I want. I can't rescue her from her choices, nor can she rescue me from mine- hopefully that helps you too Broken1.

It's just too painful right now & not good for me mentally or emotionally - in time I would like to be friends as we get on really well & have a deep connection but for now it's not an option.

Thanks for your input hrthrt9

[Upwards]

The problem isn't that you "CAN'T". The problem is that you WON'T.

I'm trying I really am, I'm moving myself forwards in so many ways and making small changes but think maybe my impatience makes me feel like I'm going nowhere.
Thank you for the kick up the a$$ I needed it!!! Username changed too

[nit84]

Awesome user name change!!

[ye21]

Ok no worries, you dont recover from this in a week or two, it might take months or years, but I have good news for you, you found the right path by accepting the situation, thats the only way you can survive this.
Look I realized all this like 3 weeks ago, I am not recovered yet it hurts sometimes a lot still but I am learning to live with that pain.
And I know than the more time that passes the truliest I will be able to accept everything around me... I dont expect that to happens in weeks but one day I will walk around and I will be able to say to myself, I accept everything the way that it is.

I work as waiter now and when I am working and I see a table of girls, it comes always my W to my mind, when I see people dating for the first time...kissing, drunk girls in the street, all that makes me thing..is that what she is doing? And then A strenght inside of me tells me...maybe, that might be what she needs now, maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she is talking about wedding and kids...but thats what she chooses, and its valid, is she happy? Maybe she is really happy... I have no idea but those toughs doesnt made her come back...

All I have clear is one thing, she walk away and I can tell you it was her choice, now on the other side its me, myself, my life and my will, and as much as I want her back, I dont want my old W back, the one who runs away when things are not as pleasant, the one with insecurities that drive her to do things without thinking first....I want a W that works on her fears, that loves herself no matter how she looks, that holds her life together and thats the version of my W that I want... I know for that she will need time, I dont know how much but not a couple of months... And thats where I focus myself in to love myself to make that my mantra, my way to live life, a life where I dont judge myself when things go in a direction I wasnt expecting... And if she doesnt reach that level why we will be back for??
Every sitch hurts, she left and her family never texted me or call me, nothing, her words keep sitting on my brain, but again, that was her choice and thats how she wants to live...I have the same fears that you have, but one day I will be with that W who accepts herself in the same level, and if its not her let me tell you something, I always say, thank God for doing for me what I couldnt do for myself...

[ye21]

Also what you will want in the future you cant plan it. Maybe you will never be her friend or maybe you guys reconcile, just focus on you today, every WAS they have work to do, first step? Learn to face problems in a mature way and not WALK AWAY from them... So wish your spouse good luck figuring out things, now lets go back to you because you are the only thing we have

[Breakdown]

I'm trying I really am, I'm moving myself forwards in so many ways and making small changes but think maybe my impatience makes me feel like I'm going nowhere.

What isn't happening fast enough for you? Things don't magically change from A to B....they evolve. Your little choices each day collectively can make big changes.

What's something you always wanted to do? What would be the first step in making that happen? Dare to take that first step...

[Upwards]

ye21 - I know I need to put my needs first and focus on what I want instead of what HE wants, I cant control him but I can control how he affects me. I'm beginning to feel more detached so the 180 is definitely helping in that sense, his words/actions aren't affecting me as much anymore and I'm more able to let it go over my head. I'm still hurting and still having bad days but i'm getting up onto my feet much quicker each time, I have a long way to go but I can finally feel myself moving forwards again as i've accepted the situation and the way things are.

I hope you continue moving forwards and building yourself up, its very hard isn't it.

Breakdown - I suppose because I cant see any changes it feels like i'm not going anywhere but when I look back on the past few weeks and how much i've moved forwards it proves that I am going somewhere, all be it slowly!

I've made a "dream list" of all the things I want to do, sad thing is most of them I had planned to do with H which just upset me so I stopped doing it - i'm in a slightly better place though now so will have another think