How is your H's English? I can recommend a book on CBT that I found very helpful, in English though.
If you like to talk, talk.
If something doesn't work, try something else. As if, for example, doesn't work for me, so I don't put any stress on it, and don't expect anything from it.
Rules are made to be broken - sehr undeutsch, I know - but a lot of this stuff is.
Pursuing is excessive contact seeking, or neediness showing. Regular, light, contact is not. Do you have a reason to call or is it neediness?
Don't miss the last boat on the Koenigsee - I once did and had to overnight in the hay in a barn there...
You can try being 'real' with him, but monitor the reaction and back off it there is a problem.
Don't ask about where he was or dig into his life, focus on you. Out of the house, out of your head and feelings, out. Detach.
Think of things to do when he is there, plan ahead. Stay busy. Order something to do from amazon.de or play a game. Cook if you like it - I became a good cook because of my marital problems!
L
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
