GM, It takes time, but I do know that you, your boys and your father will get to the other side. I'm sure that you and your family miss your mother very much...but remember, she's always there w/you, i.e., watching over you.
I think going to London and Paris will do all of you a world of good. You have plenty of time to plan your trips and your father will be right there w/you to show you the best places to visit.
You and your family will be fine in time...please don't try to rush the process. Grieve when you need to and then release the pain. Do not feel that you need to smile 24/7 because you don't. All of you have had a number of losses over the last year or so. Shedding tears, feeling sad, are all part of the process.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't know why I am so perplexed by this, but my xh contacted me regarding his childhood baseball cards. He told me that he wants to organize them and put them in protective covers. He's asked that I leave them on the porch and he'll stop by tomorrow. He's never asked for pictures of the boys and he left over two years ago without taking any with him. He also doesn't seem to want any pictures or mementos from his childhood or our life together. He left it all behind. I can't wrap my mind around this.
Didn't take anything that I, or the kids, had ever given him or made for him.
Not a book, not a card, not a gift or keepsake.....Nothing.
Except for his teenage guitar - I think he sees himself as back at that stage of life and wanted to strum again (perhaps he'll join a rock roll band!).
He also asked for an old juke box his parents had given him as a 21st birthday present. It has sat unused and broken-down in our (oft-flooded) garage for 20 years. He never came to pick it up though.
It all seems par for the course.
What a terrible condition they find themselves in.
NLW, thank you for posting. It does seem to be part of the script. I've read similar stories here, but still have a hard time understanding how grown adults become adolescents once again. What really baffles me is how cruelly they can treat the LBS, but still want to communicate as friends. That hasn't been true in my case, although I find it odd that xh will elaborate about things that are non of my business. I'm past the phase of trying to figure it all out, but still like to get feedback (reassurance) regarding his behavior.
GM, The cards are a reminder of a better time from his youth. A large majority of them will ask for something out of the blue that they haven't thought about in years. The comments he made about putting them in plastic sleeves is only an excuse to get them as he thinks that you will not give them to him. He most likely will do nothing more than to look through them and them put them back in the box they were in. He's reliving his youth through the cards.
This is a very "typical/normal" behavior for a crisis person who has gone back in time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, my xh's childhood was plagued with anxiety and abuse. Is going through the cards and essentially revisiting that time part of the integration process?
Yes, it is all part of the integration process. It doesn't matter if they are good reminders or bad, he has to work through all of those issues to get to the other side.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I could really use some encouragement. I've just read over the settlement agreement and it stings. Knowing that xh breached his responsibilities to me, concealed assets, lied, etc. and I'm the one who has to buy him out of my house just feels wrong. No fault divorce has really hurt families, particularly those of us who have been harmed by the WAS's behavior.
I know I will recover from this, but I have big scars.
