Limbo had bought me time, but now that she says she wants D and is going forward, there is some sense of relief there. Not the way I want it all to end, but I'm beginning to believe the only way back to each other will be time apart.
AS- I've been letting her do all the work so far (it's only been about a week). I may have to come back to you way down the line to ask how to act like it's old news. At this point, it's still new news so I guess I just don't understand how.
Is it true that they may have to be away for a long time (i.e. divorced) to let some of the old hurts fade so that the good rises to the top? Or am I wishful thinking? I realize she can't truly trust me now since my wounds inflicted on her are so fresh. It is really confusing though...last night while crying about how sad she was this is ending she said "I'm going to miss you so much." I wanted to say, "then don't put yourself in position to miss me!", but instead calmly said, "I'm sure this won't be easy for either of us."
And today via text I get "I am so unbelievably sad. I love you. This is so hard..."
It was the first time I have ever, ever responded back to her without saying I love you when she said it first. It was so hard to. This is her choice, I don't want it, why should I tell her I love her? She knows. Can anybody answer my question above-- if/when the old hurts fade, does her love come back?
It just doesn't make sense. If she can say I love you and say she will miss me, then why go this route?
Is it true that they may have to be away for a long time (i.e. divorced) to let some of the old hurts fade so that the good rises to the top? Or am I wishful thinking?
This is true, time will heal that anger for some people.... That doesnt mean she will come back....we dont know whats gonna happen but only time apart will help one way or the other.... Do you see how when she does something still affects you? Thats your way to measure how things go...once whatever she does has no effect on your mood then you migh be able to get back...thats basically the way it is
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
I do see that that when she does something it affects me. Truth is, it will for the short term. Detachment is slow-going, but going nonetheless. As we're still in house together until the D is filed, it will be tough. I don't want this, but have accepted its reality...just wish I had a time machine.
Last night, going over particulars for the upcoming D filing, she says "I love you so much". I'm so confused as to how a WAS can be so confused. How do I respond to this in the future?
This morning she tells me she has an appointment with L to start paperwork. Wonders aloud if she should cancel it. Then texts me later to say "you looked good today". I replied with a simple thank you. SMH- I guess as confused as she is making me, she must be way more confused and emotionally hijacked, right? Sandi, 25? You two ladies have given lots of great advice and reminders to others that I've read over the past couple months...any thoughts for me? I'm realizing that any chance of reconciling for us will come after the D, after the dust has settled, and after we both do more work. Is this the right mindset?
Is the primary reason for her wanting a D because of the OM? It seems like the two of you are relatively on the same page, but not connecting in the right way.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I don't believe so- he is M with 3 kids. She says that she is too hurt, etc. I don't know if that's a smokescreen though. I'm missing how to reconnect with her for sure since she SAYS she loves me so much and knows she will miss me. Past childhood sex abuse issues with her rearing up, too. Tough, tough, tough knowing I can't fix her.
"From your EA or something else? When you say you had an EA, how far did you push it?"
From my EA. I pushed it to the deep friendship level and then exchanged flirtatious texts. Nothing physical at all. But in hindsight can see how the EA is just as bad if not worse. I can't believe I got wrapped up in it at all, and don't understand how I left myself vulnerable. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety by my IC and doctor and am on meds. I see things clearer and have more joy in life. W's still said "too little too late".
"Aside from going to MC, what have the two of you been doing specifically for fun and intimacy? Have you tried doing something completely different?"
Other than family activities, we have skied together, gone on walks and dinner dates to new places. Spend the night at a resort and ice skated in Dec., which was new and fun.
I listened to a lot of anger and hurt from her last night, and can really see how she didn't feel appreciated. I listened and validated. How can I let her know that she still means all these things to me and that I do appreciate her without seeming as pursuing? Dare I write her a letter addressing the truth in her complaints last night?
Thanks for responding- every little bit helps me understand what changes I need to continue working on.
