me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
So apparently H asked if he could drive on the filed trip and the teacher told him no. (WTF?)
It's like there is a conspiracy against me . . . sigh. So now I am back to square one.
In other news, my H is beyond pissed off at me, I assume because I didn't agree with his proposed parenting plan (where he has the kids for 6 nights in a row in each two week block, until mid May, when he is done with a class he is teaching, then he wants 50/50).
He didn't even come into TKD. He sat in his car the whole time, and then when I brought the kids out, he didn't even scowl at me - he simply refused to acknowledge my existence. I had to try three times to give him his mail. It was so obnoxious it was ridiculous. Isn't he the one who thinks we should get along for the kids' sake? Or was that just when he thought I wasn't getting along with him enough?
I don't know why I continue to be surprised at just how delusional he is/was about how this whole D thing would work. I remember a few months ago literally LOLing at some things that 3boyz's H said, and wow, I think my H is just the same. Just in some sort of weird la la land. He truly thought that his idea of how things were going to go was going to be the reality. Yes, he can walk away from the M, without my input or permission, but that's where his control of this situation ends. I don't have to do anything he wants, let alone do it on his timeline.
Enough about him. My weekend was great. I won't lie, it was dampened a bit by the fact that my H kept contacting me about difficult issues. I am taking the kids on vacation again at the end of the month - can I set a boundary that I do not want to hear from him while I am on vacation, other than if he wants to speak with the kids?
It was great to see my brother and his family. We celebrated my mother's 70th birthday, and I think she was really happy just having the whole family together. It was nice to be with my brother and SIL, laugh a lot, and just feel comfortable and loved. And I love seeing my kids play with their cousins. I wish they lived closer. None of us wanted to come home. I was watching my brother and how he acts with his W, and I could see what I desperately wanted but never had in my M . . . just the whole "team" feeling. Yes, they bicker and they disagree, but the have each other's backs. Right now, the thought of another R someday is way in the back of my mind, but it's good to know that maybe someday I can have that.
I am soooooo happy that we are now on daylight time and we get more light in the evenings! Light and warmth make me happy. I love spring and summer . . . I feel more alive and it's easier to keep up my PMA.
Now I am just waiting for my convertible to arrive . . .
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
there is no painless way thru this. That little fact is a biting one but you do have to remember that. I see you on the other side of this, in time, and I send you all the support I can, in getting there.
Yes, that is one thing I have to keep reminding myself. I just have to go through it. At some point, these difficult decisions and interactions will pop up only occasionally.
I truly appreciate your support, 25.
3boyz, thanks for your post. I feel like you, kind of. I realized I kind of stopped DBing. I'm not sure if one can really DB her way through a D, but I do want to do the best I can. I need to catch up on your sitch, I have been so busy I am behind on everyone's news!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Melissa glad you had such a great time with your family!! I have noticed as well how the weather is affecting my PMA.
It amother ct that you were able to look to your brothers marriage and see a good model. You are young (same age as me). Plenty of time for that when you have had time to process all that is coming.
Ps.. never heard of a teacher turning down an extra chaperone. Maybe it was too late to add an adult to the reservation? ( giving everyone the benefit of the doubt)
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Why not get another phone just for communication with h and block him from your normal one? When you go on vacation, you can just leave that phone off!
Well, I decided I am tired of agonizing over this stupid field trip. I know that my feelings about it have nothing at all to do with my H, or disagreeing with him, or trying to win. I just truly don't feel comfortable sending her. So I told my H sorry, I am just not comfortable sending her if you can't drive.
In the same text I also said OK to him having the kids both nights this weekend. My way of trying to give a little in this co-parenting R. Even though he is acting like a complete ass and I don't feel like giving him anything other than a kick in the groin.
I guess I am at a point where I can act nice and friendly, but I don't really feel like that inside. Hopefully if I keep practicing I will get there.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Sigh. My H won't let it go. He still wants to argue about my reasoning for not wanting my D9 to go.
I think I will just tell him that I respect that he has a different opinion than me, but I don't really see a point in arguing our respective points of view any further.
Eh, I'll do that after my workout. Haven't been to my gym in a week bc I was out of town - really need the endorphins!!!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Glad you had a fun trip! Were you able to dodge the snow?
Quote:
can I set a boundary that I do not want to hear from him while I am on vacation, other than if he wants to speak with the kids?
You can definitely set a boundary, but flip it. Let your H know that unless it's an emergency (the house burned down, someone close to you died, etc), you won't be returning calls or texts. Let him know that you'll have the kids call him to talk whenever they want, though.
Quote:
In other news, my H is beyond pissed off at me, I assume because I didn't agree with his proposed parenting plan (where he has the kids for 6 nights in a row in each two week block, until mid May, when he is done with a class he is teaching, then he wants 50/50).
Don't fight this one, because the court will do it for you. My XH wanted us to do every other week (needless to say, I did NOT). Our mediator told him that if he pressed this issue, they'd have to assign a GAL, who would come to the conclusion our state generally adopts: that kids need access to BOTH parents during the week. My XH backed down very quickly. And the court makes every attempt to do what is in the best interest of the kids. Besides, you can always say that it will hinder YOU in finding a job (because it will).
Chin up and hope the exercise helps!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I am almost starting to feel sorry for my H. He really can't handle it at all when he is not in control.
I texted him this morning (in response to him wanting to rehash the field trip discussion) and said, "I don’t really see any value in arguing our positions any further. For reasons that I have already given, and other reasons that are difficult to verbalize, I simply don’t feel comfortable with her going. I understand and respect that you feel differently, which is why I am willing to compromise by allowing her to go if you are with her."
A few hours later, I got an email from H. For a bit of background, when my L and I discussed our response to his proposed parenting plan, I let him know that whatever we decided, I needed to have certain days with the kids - for our spring break trip and for the MLB opening day game. H had already agreed to both of these. (I am a huge baseball fan, and going to opening day is a must-do. H and I always go, and we started the tradition of taking the kids out of school for the home opener in the last few years. This year I will take the kids myself.)
So here's the email from H:
M,
Your lawyer has informed me that you wish to (i) take the kids to Florida for Spring Break as we've discussed previously, and (ii) pull the kids out of school early for the Rockies home opener on April 4th. I have no problem with you taking the kids to Florida for Spring Break. Have a great time!
I am concerned about the amount of school that the children are missing, however. After skipping a day this past week for your Mother's 70th birthday party in Richmond and refusing to let D9 go on the field trip next Tuesday, I do not feel comfortable agreeing to pull the kids out of school again for the Rockies home opener. I view their education as a critical part of their growth and disregarding it so casually sends, to my mind, a poor message to them. If, however, you would be willing to reconsider your stance on D9's field trip, I would be more comfortable with them missing school time on April 4th.
H
Wow. What a completely transparent attempt to control and manipulate me, thinly veiled by using a BS argument about concern for the children's education. (Which magically vanishes if I agree to do what he wants. Hmm.)
Anyway, I had to laugh at how desperate my H is to stick it to me.
I also laughed because we only said I wanted to have the kids that day. Nobody said anything about pulling them out of school. They don't even have school that day.
There are so many things I could point out or argue or stick it to him, but I think I will just agree not to take the kids out of school for the game.
SMH.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I also laughed because we only said I wanted to have the kids that day. Nobody said anything about pulling them out of school. They don't even have school that day.
Are you sure that they don't have school on April 4th?
