Have you noticed that your daughter talks to you EXACTLY the same way your W does? You're letting her control the situation. Timing is everything when you're talking to her.
If she says that she doesn't want to be spoiled, look at her straight in the eye and tell her that you're her dad and it's your job to spoil her. When she tells you that you have enough clothes (which is weird coming from your daughter), tell her that you're going for something new and that's that.
Stop her from controlling you.
What he said. ..Luke, who the hell decides if YOU have enough clothes, You or your teen daughter...or your w...???
Sweetie, this is a pattern here, which YOU must change.
The only tiny question I have, (& it is only a tiny one)
is whether your d has some vague financial fears about the future, going on...I mean, what kid her age would say no to shopping for herself AND you? Does she think you guys are going broke, or that wife will, soon...???
I believe your d knows a divorce looms on the horizon, but maybe that's just me.
Tell her YOU NEED a NEW 'X' or "Y' and you wanted updating on the wardrobe, which you trust her judgment about. You know this b/c you travel to the USA a lot in professional circles....Be lighthearted but clear...if she insists on telling you what YOU need, insist back.
and if, by chance, she IS worried that HER needs won't be met later on, financially, (or emotionally for that matter)
and this request of yours somehow triggered it, DIG INTO THAT, and
be reassuring to her that her needs will always be a priority in your mind. That way, the conversation can for sure end on a positive note.
Make sense? End each conversation with a reassuring comment, even if firmly delivered.
Kids need/want strong dads, Luke. You will never be confused with being a bully so don't even let that fear enter your mind. It's not in you to bully. And that's fine.
Just show the strengths we know you have, more, to your family.
THEY NEED IT FROM YOU. They always have.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
..Luke, who the hell decides if YOU have enough clothes, You or your teen daughter...or your w...???