It is NOT sad that you want to be a great mother, and having hope that someday your M will be restored is not ridiculous. Just make sure that you are living your life based on your reality (being a great Mom is so totally possible!) and on your hopes, which may or may not come to pass. There is nothing wrong with having hope, as long as you don't let it hold you back form living your best life.
I am sorry that your parents say and think the things they do. My parents were kind of the same way, so I simply stopped talking to them about my sitch altogether. I told them that I was going to, in the kindest way possible. I think that it really would be hard, as a parent, to watch your daughter (or son) go through this, and as you said, they are only trying to be protective of you. It's just that it's not helping you. So, if I were you, I would maybe just keep them out of the loop and spare them the details from now on.
As for what other people think of your H, well, there is nothing you can do about that. He will put out there whatever he needs to to get people to like and admire him. My H put on his match.com profile that integrity is important to him (HA!) and that he enjoys volunteering. The only time he has EVER volunteered for something in his life is when I dragged him there. Oh well, I can't control what he puts out there for other people, or what those people think of him, nor can you. So don't let it take up too much space in your head.
Also, be careful not to make yourself the victim. The lady at the Doctor's office won't be any more impressed with you if she knows that your H bailed and that you are the one who would be taking care of your D that night. Plus, who cares what she thinks. You are strong - keep being strong and be proud of yourself.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
At Mr. Bond. Well he's a politician in our area so everyone thinks highly of him. LOL. I actually am gaining a lot of self - esteem back. I've been seeing an IC for this. I lost a ton of it while I was M. I'm not sure how I even got my profile name. It just showed up. I will think about changing it to something much more worthy. Funny I didn't even think James Bond but makes a lot of sense. Thanks
W-38 H-42 T-11 M-8 C-6,2,6 months BD-Oct 1 2013 DFiled-Jan 6 2014 Went Dark - April 4, 2014
That's hilarious about integrity on his profile. Wonder how he explains that on his dates? No I'm still separated. Yeah I wasn't happy. No integrity is important. I'm sure the woman that are interested in dating a separated man don't care anyway's sadly:( Yes, I do need to stop the victim mentality. It is hard because I am losing my business along with my marriage but I have begun to fight back. Just like in war - just because you lose a few rounds doesn't mean mean you lose the war. Yes, I see divorce as war. Moving on....) Thanks for the encouragement
W-38 H-42 T-11 M-8 C-6,2,6 months BD-Oct 1 2013 DFiled-Jan 6 2014 Went Dark - April 4, 2014
Breath, life has a better plan for you always... Dont judge him because we dont know why he is acting like that and you are building up resentment that its not going to help you... All you can do its accept and move on, and stop analyzing why is all that, when we ask after our partner leaves why all what we are really doing its engaging in a natural mechanism that our body has for healing, basically we ask why to find a reason to accept, the hardest the pain the more why we ask, then we find solution and temporary cure for the way we feel. Instead of asking just stay still and accept... Why he is dating? I dont know but is his choice at this point so Ill accept it. In this forum some people reconcile and I can tell you that those few are the ones who accepted and didt ask questions.... Imagine in 3 months your H comes back and wants to work in the M, then all this 3 months you had build this resentment and once he open his mouth you bomb him with resentment.... Will he stay after you just judge him or will he leave again? Now he comes back and you just enjoy with him, you know your boundaries so you know how to react when something hurts you, he sees you accept him no matter his choices in the past.... Do you think he is gonna give up that? Maybe but it will be harder for him because you accept him totally... Now here you have a choice, do you want him back or not?
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Well I went against my instincts today and agreed with my husband. We are getting ready to put our middle child in preschool next year. I wanted to put her in for 3 days as we had the older one. He wanted five days. I gave him my reasons why. Older one did it, hard on her etc. He came back with his reasons. I asked this morning if he had made a decision regarding the five days. He said he wants her to go five days. He believes it will help her with speech. She will enjoy it.( I wanted to say how dare you think you have any decision in the parenting of these children when I believe that destroying a family and a divorce is the WORST possible thing you can do to children. Yes this is what I believe and no one can change my mind on that. I did not say any of that. Just thought it:) I just said I will respect your decision. I told him I do plan on taking her out once in awhile for special occasions or for a play day. This is only preschool. He said - Sure go ahead. One of his biggest complaints was lack of respect from me Granted I had to think today regarding this issue am I arguining for the sake of arguining or is this what I truly feel. In the long run - will it truly matter if she goes 3 or 5 days a week to preschool. No not really. There are tons of issues that we will have to resolve together for our children. This one is not worth falling on my sword over. Thanks DBs - last year before BD I would have argued, pouted etc. and just did things my way.
W-38 H-42 T-11 M-8 C-6,2,6 months BD-Oct 1 2013 DFiled-Jan 6 2014 Went Dark - April 4, 2014
Well there you are... Improving things that you didnt like from you proud of you, keep doing what you are doing.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
I too have been told repeatedly to choose my battles wisely. Well done
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
"( I wanted to say how dare you think you have any decision in the parenting of these children when I believe that destroying a family and a divorce is the WORST possible thing you can do to children. Yes this is what I believe and no one can change my mind on that. I did not say any of that. Just thought it:)"
Is or was there a reason why you believe your way was the "better" way and why you had dismissed him in the past? My kids were in preschool for 5 days out of the week and it worked out great. The issue between your M and your kids are separate. He has just as much right in the say of how the kids are raised as much as you. The divorce relates to the relationship between the two of you, not with him and the kids.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
proud of you, keep doing what you are doing.