"I'm ready to walk away as i've been given no choice,"
You always have a choice. YOU made the choice to not walk away.
"but its not what I want? To get to the point where I dont care about saving the marriage wont that mean i've given up anyway so it wont matter anymore?"
No. YOU can control what is in your hands. What the problem is that you've been wrapping your life around the situation caused by your H. You can grow and live outside of the M. It doesn't mean that you give up on your M, it just means that you are going to continue living and growing in a way that wasn't dependent on your M. In fact, your own personal growth has always been within you even when you were together. M just enhances and is a facet of how we grow, just like having the right friends and family. But it doesn't define who you are as an individual.
That is up to you. You want to grow? You want to live? Then do it. The only one stopping you is you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
