I think I belong here....

[praying_in_GA]

He has started looking for apartments :-(

[praying_in_GA]

No, he had moved to his sisters last time. 

I stopped initiating communication, set boundaries for when he was at the house while I worked (he came to our house to stay with the kids while I worked night shift), limited our contact to quick comments just enough to get my point across, I started being happy and always left the house or ended the contact first.

[Georgiabelle]

Praying,

I'm so sorry you are here-I know it (insert expletive), but let him go. I know that is difficult to hear, but leave him alone. Focus on you.

[praying_in_GA]

He can't afford an apartment right now. He doesn't have a job and the only one he can get for now will be part time. So, unless his brother is helping him or he has a room mate then it may be a few more months.

I know it probably wasn't healthy but I looked through all of my old texts with him. As of new years eve he was still telling me he loved me, still planning for our future (we had a conversation about being broke and he said we only have one year left until graduation)...

Mid Dec we had a tift. He said it was my tone. I told him that I felt like he wasn't happy with US / our marriage and that he acts like he is stuck and resigned to his fate. He said "I like my life very much. And I am stuck in school and don't make a paycheck. Pretty sure it's your tone"

Could this have been one of the tipping points? Could my words to him caused him to step back and re-think his position??

[job]

I seriously doubt that the tiff you had tipped the scales. Generally, they have been thinking about re-evaluating their lives for 18-14 months prior to the BD This may have been the excuse he made to you to make himself look better and you the bad guy. Please don't drink the Kool-Aid he's offering you and do not take on his guilt for what he's thinking or doing. You didn't break him, therefore, you can't fix him.

As for going dark again, just remember...he's got to finish up his crisis or he'll repeat it again at a later time, i.e., he didn't finish up the first time and he jumped back into a relationship w/you w/o doing the necessary work to heal himself and the relationship. He will continue to repeat his crisis until he either finishes it or grows old and passes away. The best thing to do is step way back and allow him to complete it. Using the dark technique is to help you...not to win him back or try to snap him out of it.

I know you love him and want the man you knew back, but it's not going to happen any time soon. His crisis has to end on his time clock, which is very slow. It's frustrating and can be scary for the family...but it's best to just leave him be as much as you and give him space.

[praying_in_GA]

Thank you for responding...both of you! It is so nice to have people to talk to about this.

He just acts so normal. He isn't being mean or lying about everything. He is still being a wonderful father and taking care of all of us. He has dinner ready after the kids practice, he makes lunch if they ask, he offers to let me sleep, offers to get me coffee. I'm starting to wonder if this is combined MLC and WAS. He just seems to have turned off his emotions for me and is ready to move on. Life around here truly does feel like it always did. The only things missing are the ILY and the subtle touches that make a couple married.

[TL72*]

Pray for strength. My H moved out a few weeks ago and didn't even bother telling me he was moving, I saw missing items and asked if he was moving out that weekend and he said yes. The first night is the hardest but then it gets easier as your process it and adjust. Actually it's nice now that he's not in the house radiating negativity. Of course I want him back but I have had no contact in over a week & only for 5 minutes and I have no idea where he lives. What i'm saying is that it doesn't matter what you texted or said, he has to go through this and come to his own decisions. The sooner you accept it and let him go then he can continue on his journey. When he's through it he'll either let you know or he won't. no guarantees. It's a harsh reality but it is what it is. You can't fix it, you didn't break it. Focus on you and the kids. If you pray...I always include something like "I put this in your hands Lord" and let Him handle it.

[praying_in_GA]

He's not negative though. He's just a reminder of what we are losing. I don't know how to live this life as a single parent. Our schedules are complicated and my kids do a lot for their sport. It's important to me that their father not cause them to lose their lives.

[praying_in_GA]

I have this crazy idea. I'm going to make an email address. Somewhere only I can access. I'm going to Send emails there when I need to get things out... Those times when I want to to tell him I love you or I miss you.

[job]

Your idea isn't crazy at all. I usually recommend typing up letters and then tearing them up instead of trying to the spouse how you feel, etc.

Just make sure that when you send them to another email address that you delete the "sent" version from the original address.