I try to. I always try and provide a perspective that I see – sometimes I am right…and sometimes I am wrong.
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WE are taught to not have expectations, but the MLCer is not and has a rather warped view of the world. I find it curious, in his mind - are we friends?
How do you know that in his mind you are friends? Maybe you are maybe you are not. I guess the question still is why does it matter to you – at least now?
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I am not sure what you mean by "making a stance for me".
What I was trying to communicate was that on some level, sometimes when you receive a text from Skippy that it appears to annoy you or bother you on some level. So…the “making a stance for you” statement was that maybe it is time for you to let him know in no uncertain way that you really do not want to receive his texts anymore. Having said this, based on some of your other comments in this thread, it appears that skippys texts do not bother you as much and that you fine (I have no doubt that you are fine). It appeared to me as if they did keep you on some level connected or stuck and based on some of your previous posts, I thought you were trying to get “unstuck”. I hope I explained this well and I apologize in advance if it is not coming across clear.
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Why do I respond? Because it seems impolite to ignore anyone (never held a grudge in my life) and it seems passive aggressive. If I am not responding because I truly want to slam that door shut on everything, I believe in saying so explicitly. I am interested to see how all of this plays out, so when I get asked a question, I answer. It's only a text.
PORTIA, I may have misread some of your earlier posts and for that I apologize. Are you still standing and hoping that Skippy comes back? If you are then, I totally understand your response above. If you are not – then I guess my only point would be…why are you worried about how a lack of response would be interpreted. I suspect, that you would still like Skippy back (albeit a different version of him) and that is okay.
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It might be fun to scream at him for a while and make him squirm. But the reality is that we are now 1000 miles apart and perfectly independent of each other and the most "contacting at a whim" that I get bothered with is a random text less than once a month. I do not contact him and to do so that I can open up the blood-letting is drastically unappealing to me. Because likely he knows that I am angry but like everything else, has lied about it to others. No talk is going to fix that.
I was not thinking of it as “fun” per se. Rather, if needed (by YOU) to let him know really how you feel. This would IMO, help let go some of the anger. I am not promoting it per se and I believe that the better way to deal with the anger is to let it go…as best as you can. I do though also believe that sometimes – you need to express how you feel to the MLCer. It really depends on the person. So when I wrote this, I was trying to say that you should not be afraid to let him know how you feel IF that is what you felt you needed to do, to get through the angry feelings.
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What do you see as taking my power back?
The short answer is….not being angry anymore. IMO, being angry (although understandable)…regardless of what level of anger (really pissed off or mildly upset) is not good for you. IMO, it gives him some level of power over you. Does that make a bit more sense? I understand you may not agree with my opinion.
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Yes, totally sign me up for the Spa!
Can I come? (that was a joke – although I do love to get my feet done)
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No. My anger still stems from how he felt entitled to treat me before I had the sense to back right off and leave him alone. The countless lies, profound disrespect and the abandonment.
So what ideas do you have to get over the anger that you have every right to feel?
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Now, I will confess that I can't help but think sometimes "I wonder when he will contact me again?", "I wonder if he will send me a birthday card?" but unlike at the beginning, I am not attached to either outcome anymore.
Totally understandable to feel this way and think this. Is this though..where you really want to be? Once again, if you are still hoping that Skippy comes back I totally understand. If you want to really move forward with your life today, living in the moment – then I think you need to try to understand and reframe some of these thoughts.
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This was actually referring to Eric's message and whether or not I was bothered or annoyed when he "contacts me on a whim" (or at least that was my interpretation of what Eric said!) My reply was that these "pings" really were not a bother in that sense.
That was the correct interpretation. I still wonder though if deep down inside, these text affect you on some level. Maybe “bother” is not the right word. Maybe….”keeping you connected when you do not want to be” is a better way for me to articulate how I interpret your post regarding Skippy’s communication with you.
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The "blood-letting" might have been a bit graphic
I am walking dead fan – that was not graphic to me (another joke).
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But it does bust my buttons that he may be telling everyone that I am so fine with his decision to move on and therefore, he looks like he is the good guy after all. But it sounds like we all go through our partners doing that to us on some level.
AJ said it much better than I did and with far less words – The issue that I see is why do you really still care? To me, it means that you are still attached on some level emotionally. Hence – why a lot of what I am trying to communicate is for you to finally cut the cord and begin to really heal, I am not saying you have not healed (some) and I’m not saying that you are a wreck – your not, at least I do not think you are. Maybe it is how I read your posts – I dunno – it sometimes just seems like you want to be free from all of this but there is this one thing that keeps you connected…and just as you are ready to break free – BOOM another text from Skippy.
Portia I am so sorry if my posts upset you or if I am misreading you. I am responding to what I see in your threads, which like everyone is always colored by my own personal experiences. Wishing you mucho happiness and joy.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
