Limbo is the new normal

[NeedingMore]

HI Guys!
Wow, this is truly roller coaster status! Slow, you definitely practiced patience and love by waiting on your desire to push him. I wish these guys could snap out of it and just talk out their thoughts and feelings and know that we are here for them...(duh!). This is where our sitch's remind me of each other. I see from your sitch more clearly than from my own that your H doesn't feel adequate when it comes to you and your children...AKA his family! And since the baby is newer to the sitch, I think he just couldn't handle it because his career is in turmoil. My BF is the same. He is so stressed about his career it is like a HUGE BLINDER. He cannot see past it. So, no one else causes him to feel such responsibility and Pressure, if you will. So while some men take that and just do what needs to be done, some don't and they FREAK OUT, making things worse before they can get better. I feel that my BF sees me as someone he does not deserve until he can provide like a man...and since he is worried that he will never accomplish his goals (HIS confidence problem), he pushes me away and in his mind I have become the one who gets the least of his attention.

Now, my BF does not have kids so this really adds to his lack of responsibility for anyone but himself. Yours is a new dad...so that is uncharted territory for him so far. They both have glimpses of doing the right things and then they like it so they preserve just enough and keep coming back. They know we are invested. It is a crazy mental mess!! But, no one is really to blame. I know that I have beaten myself up about my "fault" in getting to the trouble spots. I also know how much I have grown as a person from all of this. So I know what you mean about the divorce being the better option when it comes to that choice of having a nice person to deal with!

My BF is always nice. Its maddening at times. He is never mean to me, he is never harsh or angry. He is the sweetest man I have ever met, really! But in his efforts to hold me at an arms length and distance himself from me, he has hurt me very much. For 7 LONG months I have DBed and chosen not to bring up R talk. I think I have taken it to the extreme and become afraid that anything relationship related that I choose to say will send him running in the opposite direction. So, although things have been going relatively well...spending a little time together and being happy when we do...the truth is, I am hurting so much inside that it is no longer worth it. Hurting inside because I feel like the one person who I want to talk to about everything...I cannot talk about anything to. Eggshells. Well, the other night I couldn't take it. I am sick of getting ZERO from him. If I text he texts back. If I don't text, he eventually will check in. But day to day, we don't really communicate. When we see each other, we make love...always wonderful...but then I don't hear from him for a week. IT REALLY HURTS! I have had enough. So...I texted him (I know, still a little chicken) and asked why I never hear from him...and whether he even thinks of me as his girlfriend. It opened up a conversation where I FINALLY told him how I feel. I didn't care what he thought about it! After going back and forth, it finally came out that he does consider us in a relationship. And I left it at that. It was enough for now. I pushed a little and tested the boundaries. So, after all of these months of excruciating wonder...I know he is still in...but now it is just a matter of defining what our relationship is to him. Because seeing each other on his terms, and squeezing me in for an hour of sex here and there when he has time...isn't going to cut it for me anymore.


Sorry, I didn't mean to go into my sitch here so much as I meant to relate our sitch's and say that yours helps me to see mine and give me more patience with him...as you said, regardless of how it turns out. Everyday I tell myself I will know when I have had enough. I believe in his ability to accomplish his goals, now he needs to! Nothing I can do if he never figures out that it is all about the people you have in your life and loving them while you can! I want my old BF back..the one I could talk to about anything and the one who doesn't act like an acquaintance around me. If we have to be "friends" to be that way again, so be it!!