Thanks, Blues. My H does seem very unsure. About two months after BD, he told me that he was 60% sure that he wanted a D. That was a huge change from BD when he was 100% sure. At the same time, he's said repeatedly that he doesn't want me to have false hope. So, I'm just trying to do my own thing as much as possible.
I started posting so that I could come here to vent as well. Some of our R talks have been a result of me feeling unable to hold back from saying something or asking even though I rationally knew I shouldn't. My sister and a couple of close friends know the situation, but they are not good for venting. The fall into the typical role of telling me that I deserve better and should just give up. I know they think that helps, but I'm not really interested in bashing my H. Even though I don't recognize him some of the time right now, I still love him.
I have not talked to a coach yet, but am definitely considering it.
So, today H has called me three times for no real reason that I can decipher. He called this morning to wish me luck on my job interview. He called around lunchtime just to see what I was doing. Then, he called this afternoon to tell me to be safe tonight and let him know when I was on my way home. I'm taking D7 to an event tonight and if it isn't too late when we get in, he might want to come tuck her in. I know it isn't anything major and not to read too much into it. Still, it reminds me of how my H was before. He has always called me randomly throughout the day, especially when we were both at work, but had started doing less of that during the couple of months leading up to BD. Since BD, if he calls during the day, it's usually because he has a specific purpose (wants to make sure that I paid a certain bill or check D7's schedule). Not sure that it means anything, just an observation, really.
