Let's see if I can answer some of your questions. I think that my communication skills must be dropping because on the whole, I am actually OK.
Not that I don't have my moments, I do. But I am way more up than down and in truth, on my good days do not really think of SO.
Quote:
That is the thing with "expectations"...I am wondering if it is your set of internal "expectations" that are making you stuck in the anger square and "expecting" him to text/contact you more frequently. Is that what you feel here?
No. My anger still stems from how he felt entitled to treat me before I had the sense to back right off and leave him alone. The countless lies, profound disrespect and the abandonment.
I truly have no expectations when it comes to how frequently or even if he contacts me at all. (In fact, I am surprised that I still do hear from him after all this time but given the experience of both Job and Bea, I can't say they did not warn me.)There have been months when I have not heard a peep.
Now, I will confess that I can't help but think sometimes "I wonder when he will contact me again?", "I wonder if he will send me a birthday card?" but unlike at the beginning, I am not attached to either outcome anymore.
Quote:
What would "unbother" you here, Portia? Is that something you can control from your perspective? What about Skippy?
This was actually referring to Eric's message and whether or not I was bothered or annoyed when he "contacts me on a whim" (or at least that was my interpretation of what Eric said!) My reply was that these "pings" really were not a bother in that sense.
Quote:
I do not contact him and to do so that I can open up the blood-letting is drastically unappealing to me.
It sounds like this to me:
"If I contact Skippy, I will GO FOR THE JUGULAR." Is that a fact, Portia?
Sorry, looks like I messed up the quotes. Technology. Anyway, this was actually an answer to Eric's question: Why not tell him how angry you are?
I have no fear of losing control of myself anymore. What I was trying to convey is that since our contact is simply these random pings to contact him for the purpose of describing (however calmly) how angry I am just does not interest me. The "blood-letting" might have been a bit graphic but when two people have not truly spoken to each other in a long time, picking any of those scabs does not make sense to me. If ever we reconnect, then there is a time and a place for opening up wounds, but it is not now.
Quote:
Because likely he knows that I am angry but like everything else, has lied about it to others.
Honey, this comes across as mindreading to me. Am I right? Are you saying that Skippy has lied to other people about you angry? If yes, then SO what? Why do you care so much about what he says about you to other people?
Guilty. You are right, I don't know that he is still telling people that I am the one who won't talk to him. He sure did at the beginning - I have it in black and white. But I don't know that he still is doing so. But given that MLCers rewrite history and make themselves look good, might that be an educated guess?
And why does it matter? I know it shouldn't. I do. But it does bust my buttons that he may be telling everyone that I am so fine with his decision to move on and therefore, he looks like he is the good guy after all. But it sounds like we all go through our partners doing that to us on some level.
(On some level, don't you just love those people who take out billboards on their cheats? Some of them are awesomely creative!)
Wonka, I was reading along your MLC thread and found it very interesting. I think it must be a difficult thing to go through. I am happy for your sake that you came through. I don't know that Skippy ever will. Or maybe he has and I am simply uninformed? The blessing of having a vanisher.
But I have closed that door. He will have to knock now if he wants back in. I remember being told by the vets that if he wanted back in my life there would be no mistaking it. I don't think "pings" count.
I have bad days, especially when I let my stress level get too high and I spin with him on my mind. Some of that is attributable to the depression. But for the most part, I am OK. Wish this did not happen, but accepting that it did.
I also admire that you sent Ms. Wonka a letter. I don't think it is ever too late for a sincere acknowledgment of how much you hurt someone.
