Wife is Continuing Affair- When do I start LRT

[sandi2]

Your ideas and concern over what your W may feel or think are logical, however, she no longer thinks with the same frame of mind that she once did. She has entered another zone altogether.

just difficult to wrap my head around this detachment as being a positive thing, but I know it is. I can put on my happy face anyways, as tonight has been much harder to stomach.

It works in a very positive way. The detachment has a couple of purposes. One, it helps the LBH to stop putting all his focus on the stitch and start focusing on getting better, GAL, etc. Second, when he steps back, it takes pressure off her. It may not stop her A or fix their problems, but I would say it is the first step in that direction.

One word about putting on your happy face. Until you can actually feel it from your heart, just practice looking as if you are please with yourself. You are "happy-giddy" over seeing her. The whole PMA is so that "you" start getting stronger and happier with your life with or without her in it. And, if you can do it right....she will notice, but the point is to do it for yourself and not her.

Here's what a lot of guys don't understand about the heart of a WAW in an A. Once, it would have thrilled her to see your face light up when you saw her. But now, if you act like some love-sick pup, or you get all giddy when she gets around you....it will turn her off like you wouldn't believe! This is not the girl you married!

"If you were doing it for her (and I'm not saying to do that, but I know some of you do), then I would use the old expression we used back in my dating years and say play hard to get. Believe it or not, that will work better with a WAW than almost anything you could do.

She also sent me a text while she was there. I was torn if I should respond, but I feel it didn't warrant a response, as A) I didn't want to talk to her and B) I felt she was trying to check in with me. I worry a bit that she will feel " see, I text him, and he doesn't respond, he never cared about me".

Do not respond if she doesn't ask a direct question, or if it's about the kids, house, etc. Even though she's in an A, some WAW's still want to keep tabs on the H, b/c some most all of them want to eat cake.

The later part--" see, I text him, and he doesn't respond, he never cared about me"--applies to what I said above. She may even say that out loud, but it will be to justify what she's doing....not b/c she is wanting you to show how much you care. She is not in that zone now.

I'm unsure where to draw my line still, as I do want to talk to her, but I know any conversation I would have got into tonight probably would have not gone well.

I would suggest not trying to have a conversation at games and other public events. You don't have to ignore her or act mad/cold, etc. But that's not the time or place for a couple on the brink of D to even try to have a conversation past a few words about the game or weather. Don't try to sit with her or act like you are still a "couple". Let her "feel" her decisions.

As well, I would have felt worse if I responded and then heard nothing back.

Oh, did you mean a conversation by texting?
Well, here's the thing, don't set yourself up for disappointment by having expectations of her.