melissa

[melissag]

Mustardseed, thank you. Your post is what I needed.

I spent some time on my 4 hour flight home thinking about all of this.

I need to get back to where I was when I was DBing with the hope of getting my H back. Not in the sense that I am trying to get him to come back, but in the sense that I had a plan then and I was able to stick with my plan no matter what my H threw at me.

I am letting him get to me and throw me off my plan. Not good.

Mustard, you are correct, it would be much easier for me to communicate with him and I would be more inclined to listen to what he had to say and believe it is genuine if he didn't include all the manipulating, accusing, etc. in there. Once he acts like that, I tend to greatly discount his credibility. What I did realize today, though, is that it really pisses me off when he makes assumptions about me, my reasons for doing things, my thoughts, my feelings, etc. So I ought not do the same to him.

I am really struggling with that line between co-parenting amicably and being friends. BC I have zero interest in being his friend. I think I have decided that I can coparent amicably, update him on the kids, send him photos if we are out of town, etc. all in the name of co-parenting, without being friends with him. So I think I am going to try that, even though I know that it will make me uncomfortable.

Anyway, this is how I ended up responding:

Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate your concerns. I agree it could be a good experience for her. Still, I'm really not comfortable with it for the reasons I shared with you.

If you will drive on the trip I think that would be a win-win. I know D9 would love to spend that time with you (and you with her) and I would feel more comfortable knowing she is with someone I know and trust.

Let me know, thanks.

This was the best I could do on this one. He did ask me for the date, so perhaps he is considering it.

Oh, and Wonka, YES, I did enforce my boundary . . . I simply forwarded the email I sent him 10 days ago stating that all D matters need to be directed to his L. I'll be honest, it felt a little bitchy, but it also felt good to enforce my boundary, so I am focusing on that.