WAW Said She's Done-pt.4- What Happened?

[Spartan]

Glad you texted with offer to take your kids. I was going to call you out on your reasoning but the guys beat me to it. As Mach and BD already stated you can't do anything about what she's doing. All you can and need to control is you right now and your priorities have to be your kids and figuring your stuff out. From personal experience (at your stage and even now) I decided to take my kids any chance I can no matter what my XW was doing and guess what, I've never regretted that decision a single time.

Don't worry about what SHE thinks of you....
I would worry more about what you think of yourself...
That's all that matters for now....

I know, but Im still feel like Im being an A$$ to her sometimes. Im trying hard not to be and A$$, but I still feel I am. I feel like im being walked on, like I have to defend myself, my feeling.

I agree with Mach that you need to worry about how you see yourself. That's the main opinion that counts right now. I'd also add that you need to think about how your kids see you through this. They need to see a strong, caring, understanding, fatherly figure through this.

Other thing I wanted to ask about is why you feel you need to defend yourself? What do you mean? What will defending yourself get you with your W? Are you trying to convince her you aren't wrong (won't happen in her eyes at this point), are you trying to convince yourself? If hell freezes over and she totally agrees with your defense then what? Will you feel better about how you've acted? If you act the way you want to at all times then there is no need to defend yourself because you will know you did the best you can and that's all you can ask of yourself.

Am I alone here? Does anyone else say something, then a few hours or days later realize you shouldn't have said something or come across a certain way? How does one change that?

I used to do this all the time and I'd be lying if I said I occasionally don't feel this way still. Thing is it doesn't happen very often now that I figured out who I wanted to really be and I live it. It's a long process but if you stick to it you will change into a person that naturally acts how you want to act. More understanding, more caring, you'll learn how to talk compassionately and more importantly you'll learn to really listen, etc... Until then, my advice is to just STFU as many vets used to tell me. If you must talk for some reason don't let your emotions or ego get involved. Listen, then walk away. If you feel the need to tell your side or 'defend yourself' stop talking and exit the conversation in a polite manner. Nothing you say in that moment will make a bit of difference and will usually make things worse as you're finding out with almost every interaction you've had lately.