Go, Reading your thread has giving me some inspiration. I wouldn't wish anyone's situation on these boards on anyone but seeing someone like you trying so hard to GAL makes me feel good. Prayers to you and I hope someday, somehow we all can rejoice in the reconciliation of our M.
___________________________________________________________ M: 32 W: 26 M 7 months, T 4 years M: 2nd M W: 1st M No kids
living separately 1/26/14 W files D 2/24/14 D final 4/28/14
Duds, time has certainly helped me with the GAL process. The current situation is becoming the new normal, and making it easier to GAL. Still not completely familiar to me but I have spent the last 8 weeks slowly moving and advancing in GAL and my own work on myself.
Keep baby stepping these things and when you look back it adds up to some decent progress.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
Sometimes coincidences are really surprising. I have been sick the last three days and last night I had a dream that my W came into my office and said she was moving back in, she wanted to end the separation. Talk about a little bit of a bummer when I woke up.
Well tonight I had a work meeting that lasted until 5:30 and when I went back to my office I see I had a missed call and a text message from the W. The text said "Do you want to come to dinner and see the kids, then we can talk?"
I called her back and she said that the kids were asking about me and she would cook us some dinner. This was the first invitation of any kind that she had extended since the second week into our separation. We had had two previous Sunday dinners together until be had a blow up.
The invitation was something new from her, but the words "then we can talk" made me nervous.
On the ride over I worked on my body language during the ride, smiling the whole time, and telling myself to act as if. I did not know if this was going to be a positive talk or a negative talk, so I would assume positive in my mind set.
Got to her house and sat down and chit chatted while she set up some dinner for us while one of the kids napped and the other was on the ipad.
We had dinner and made small talk for 2 and a half hours. She was really into sharing things about work and her doctoral classes. I used my new active listening skills that I have been practicing while she was talking. I was looking in her eyes the whole time, smiling, listening, and asking follow up questions, etc. I really did not have to fake it though as I truly was interested.
I was coughing the whole time and she even offered cough drops, which she never would have early into the separation.
It was really an enjoyable evening for both as we talked and laughed and she even asked a couple questions of me and a little about my work. Again something new for her since BD.
I ended the night as I am sure I could still be there and putting the kids down, but I wanted to get out when we were still doing well in our interaction. Leave her wanting more or at least feeling good about what happened tonight. The kicker is when I left she said she would let me out of the garage and when she came to the door we had the closest body interaction since our last dinner and her body language was not closed off and cold as it had previously been.
I got a little anxious and thought I might get a hug, but I did not wait around for it or initiate it. Again, she was going to have to initiate the contact. I left the garage and she watched me get in my truck as the door went down. She had not done this since BD, and I had been letting myself out since BD.
This was the best most open interaction we have had since BD, and she initiated the visit. I do not know if the kids were asking about me, they are not really that way yet, but I don't care if they did or it was her excuse. We had a positive interaction instead of a neutral one. I don't know if she wanted to have a "talk" or just BS tonight, but BS is what we did for the first time in 6 plus months.
This is by far the biggest baby step so far and I will fall asleep tonight smiling. Trying not to get too excited by this, but tonight felt good.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
Awesome. By all means celebrate it by yourself. It's back to business when you next interact with her.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Wow, really exiciting night for you. Celebrate the win but the others are right, its back to business next time or you could end up with expectations. I had a similar night recently and the next time I saw W was distant again.
Celebrate the baby step though!
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
I did feel good last night, but do not have expectations for the future. This may be the last interaction we have with each other. I am just working on enjoying experiences for what they are and not projecting them onto future actions.
One of my 180s is to find enjoyment in every situation, good, bad, imperfect, or miserable. I am doing exercises and I think they are starting to work.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
Gogofo well what can I say, I read that and I am crying like a baby hehehe, you deserve it completelly and do you know why? Because man you are accepting, you had GAL because of yourself and you accept her no matter what without judging her and you see? The universe brings you new things , you are doing fine and you will do fine, dont focus in what I should or not do focus in accepting yourself and knowing that whatever you do and however you take this it will be fine, meanwhile keep working on yourself... I strongly believe that when we accept, the S its able to feel and see that and thats when they start to die to spend time with us.
Congrats and keep doing what you doing
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
