Need help saving my family - part 5

[ericmsant2]

Let us all put on our figurative kevlar helmets and jump into the foxhole with Scorp for solidarity

I went through 3 of those....

The one that I have now, has nicks and dings in it. Plus a huge chunk on the left side is missing....

But I have 50/50....

Jus sayin

Mine only has minor scratches...

And I have 50/50.

I went through mine too.. I still have my kevlar helmet but half of it is gone, not to mention I lost my arm (or was it my wallet)..no..no it was both.

But I have 50/50..... (actually the reality is 60/40 - she too busy now a days).

Just sayin...

[Scorp7]

The thing that is driving me crazy is that I love my W soooOOO much. I've never stopped. I know I was far from the best H, especially the past two years, but overall I thought we built a BEAUTIFUL life together. It wasn't perfect but it was amazing and it was only going to get better. She was my partner and I considered her to be my best friend. How do I just let go of that???

Our home is still filled with pictures of our family. There is a gigantic wedding picture in our stair well (5 feet high by 3.5 feet wide) of my W and I on our wedding day that I pass by constantly when I'm home. Everywhere I look I still see my W in our home. Everywhere I go has memories of us together. Thinking of all those things makes me smile and then there's a massive wave of sadness that hits me like a freight train.

How can I still love someone so much how seems to totally loathe me???

I'm rambling but I just needed to get that off my chest.

[Drew]

I'm 99.9% sure my W's biggest fear is losing time with our kids for anymore than the every second weekend she's dictated. It's going to be hard to convince her that it is in our kids best interests to have me in their life much more than that.

Full custody for her = full child support to her

Shared custody = ???? support to her

Her motivation may be more finacial than you think.

In my case with 50/50 custody and we both work there is no support paid either way. We each support the kids when they at our respective homes. And expenses like health insurance, medical bills, school fees, and agreed upon extracurricular activities are split 50/50.

[Barrybran]

We all love our spouses, Scorp. The difference between the vets and the newbies is that the vets have taken a step back and can see the bigger picture. It's admirable that you love your wife but you've let it cloud your thoughts and actions (/inactions) the whole time. You know she doesn't think about you the same way you think about her right now. You've read DB/DR so you know what you need to do. Don't stop loving your wife but certainly let her go and look after yourself and the kids.

Have you thought about storing those things that remind you of your wife in a safe location out of the living areas?

[unbidden]

Also, don't you think your feelings for your W, Scorp, have been magnified by the fact that she left? Most people want what they can't have way more than when they actually had it. It might just be psychological right now. Give it time to settle and maybe your feelings will be more realistic about her. But, you can still love her. You don't have to be together to do that. Love her all you want. But, protect your kids and your relationship with them first.

[ye21]

How can I still love someone so much how seems to totally loathe me???

You dont trully love her right now, you love the idea of a family, kids, same house and somebody to share all that with you...

You will trully love her when you stop judging what she has done, untill them all you are suffering its a physical withdrawal, the same way a heroin addict when they quit heroin...

I will tell you a story I invented today while in the shower....

Once it was a woman who everybody criticiced for her actions, this lady had done something terrible, she was married and one day once she left her work in a cancer facility she arrived home and went to her room.
Then she started to plan how she was gonna kill her husband, she wasnt happy with him...she then started to fantasize with the idea of not only kill him but to make him suffer a lot of pain prior to end with his life.
Then she went to the hospital and grabbed a very powerfull medicine that will basically make him not being able to move but still able to feel and be awake.

She got the phone and called her husband and told him, honey I will have dinner prepared for you tonight and I would like to have dinner together in a family style.
Ok no problem Ill be home soon....

She then put the poison on his food, he arrived and she was very loving, kissing him and telling him how much she missed him...
He was confussed... Why is she being so nice with me? Well lets eat, then he suddendly felt like he could not move at all, all he could see was his wife smiling on the opposite side of the table...
Honey I cant move!!! I know sweetheart this was my surprise for you, I am going to kill you but I will make you suffer first... She then did the most awful things you can even imagine...after 6 hours of making him suffer....he died

She was arrested and comdenned to die in the same way he did...

Now there is a second part of the story, but please just let me hear something, how could a person be so evil? Why a person can have such a feeling of the right to take the lofe of another??

Please answer to that and I will write down the second part you will like the second part...

[Scorp7]

I realize there is a psychology to the "you want what you can't have" but it's more than that. I really do love her very much and I've always felt this way. I just did a poor job of showing it at times.

You know it's true love when you look at someone at their supposed worst and you love them as much or more that way. My W is beautiful, inside and out. She's a great Mom and she was a great W. If things don't work out for us she will make someone else very happy.

Anyway, right now it still feels like I'm in mourning. It doesn't feel right just yet to take down pics but that time may be coming before long. I just took off my ring this past weekend for the first time so I'm getting there.

[Rick1963]

Scorp I met my exw when I was 22. I had spent most of my adult life with her. She file when I was 48. I had planned my entire life around her my D the house and the dogs. I was a real mess. After she filed she told me I didnt need a lawyer. That we would sell the house and she would pack me a brown bag and send me away. Sadly I believed her. Why wouldnt I? She was my W my best friend my life. I resisted what the vets told me here. Wasnt until some people here were able to contact me personally. They saved me. Im 100% responsible for my failures. But exw is that much responsible. My exw became someone I never knew she was or had it in her. My buddy from the south (who I wont mentioned cause he is on a gluten free blood type diet and might get a bit cocky) directed me to put on my business hat. I told my lawyer what I wanted and that my life was in his hands. He did exactly that. I got everything I could. And I dont regret it. It stinks but you must stand up for yourself because your exw is doing just that.

[ye21]

You havent respond the questions and I am not doing a pshycological analogy, answer for part 2

[Scorp7]

Thanks Rick. I've heard a lot of people compare the situation with their WAW to having an alien abduct the person they knew and leave behind someone that seems like a total stranger. That is sort of how it feels with my W right now. In a lot of ways, I always encouraged her to stick up for herself, go for what she wanted etc. Now that she seems to be doing that it's great in a way, except she's turned her new found confidence and aggression towards me.

I just hope that either my L can save the situation from getting really ugly or that by some miracle my W will start to realize I'm a pretty good guy and a great Dad.