Need help saving my family - part 5

[Scorp7]

The thing that is driving me crazy is that I love my W soooOOO much. I've never stopped. I know I was far from the best H, especially the past two years, but overall I thought we built a BEAUTIFUL life together. It wasn't perfect but it was amazing and it was only going to get better. She was my partner and I considered her to be my best friend. How do I just let go of that???

Our home is still filled with pictures of our family. There is a gigantic wedding picture in our stair well (5 feet high by 3.5 feet wide) of my W and I on our wedding day that I pass by constantly when I'm home. Everywhere I look I still see my W in our home. Everywhere I go has memories of us together. Thinking of all those things makes me smile and then there's a massive wave of sadness that hits me like a freight train.

How can I still love someone so much how seems to totally loathe me???

I'm rambling but I just needed to get that off my chest.