Question: Any thoughts/theories why he wants me to involve him in caring for the home/rentals/etc so much? He always tells me to call/text him if we need anything and when he gets to the house and things have been left broken he approaches me with disbelief/frustration that I didn't tell him.
I am not sure what your H's motivation is, but I figured I should share what my H told me regarding his offers to help around the house. My H does the same thing. He has directly told me that he knows that I am the primary caregiver and have full responsibility for the house. He said that it makes him feel better to be able to help me out with things that he can actually help with and fix considering our sitch (i.e. not the pain that he continues to cause with his A). So there is some level of guilt, at least with my H.
I have chosen to not ask my H for help. I don't call him and ask. However, I also don't stop him from fixing something if he is already at the house. I make sure to thank him if he does do something.
When my H does things around the house, I try to view him as a handyman that I have hired for help (without having to pay). It helps to keep me detached
