Need help saving my family - part 5

[Breakdown]

I assume we'll hear the explosion shortly.

In the meantime, if you're W doesn't agree to talk 50/50, where do you plan to live? Are you still going to move to the town where she is regardless of the custody results? Or is there a scenario where you'd stay where you are?

So far, it sounds like you've at least suggested your actions are somewhat dependent on your W's. I think you need to start putting your life plans in place without that dependency. What do you want to do?

Are you paying your W monthly based on your attorney's suggestion, or are you simply doing what your W tells you here? I'd definitely check with your attorney before sending her any more money.

[Mach1]

Let us all put on our figurative kevlar helmets and jump into the foxhole with Scorp for solidarity

I went through 3 of those....

The one that I have now, has nicks and dings in it. Plus a huge chunk on the left side is missing....

But I have 50/50....

Jus sayin

[Drew]

Let us all put on our figurative kevlar helmets and jump into the foxhole with Scorp for solidarity

I went through 3 of those....

The one that I have now, has nicks and dings in it. Plus a huge chunk on the left side is missing....

But I have 50/50....

Jus sayin

Mine only has minor scratches...

And I have 50/50.

[Scorp7]

Thanks everyone for all your support. The past 5 months have been a rough road that may get rougher but you have all helped me navigate that road much better than I could have on my own!

[Scorp7]

In the meantime, if you're W doesn't agree to talk 50/50, where do you plan to live? Are you still going to move to the town where she is regardless of the custody results? Or is there a scenario where you'd stay where you are?

I haven't agreed to selling the house yet. I may do that but there is so much we need to get straightened our first. I am dealing with my mother's terminal illness right now as well so anything other than fighting for my kids is on the back burner.

So far, it sounds like you've at least suggested your actions are somewhat dependent on your W's. I think you need to start putting your life plans in place without that dependency. What do you want to do?

As long as I have my kids with me half time I will do whatever I have to in order to make that possible. It would be great if my W would realize that my province is the best place for our kids to grow up but that's not likely to happen any time soon. Rather than fighting to have her move back I will move to where the kids are. Yes it is tying my plans to my W but I don't see a way around that at the moment. Having my kids with me for 2 weekends a month is not an option I will accept.

Are you paying your W monthly based on your attorney's suggestion, or are you simply doing what your W tells you here? I'd definitely check with your attorney before sending her any more money.

I had started paying my W what she requested because I thought it was the right thing to do. I did check with my L and she advised me to keep sending the money.

[Scorp7]

No response yet. Guessing this one is being reviewed by her L. (yeah I know, I shouldn't be mind reading)

[unbidden]

Actually, I think it's important to strategize at this point and try to predict her thinking since you are trying to protect your kids. It would be mind reading if you were worried about what she was thinking in terms if your R, IMO.

[Scorp7]

Thanks unbidden, strategizing and trying to predict her thinking is something I've done a lot of lately Still waiting to hear back from my L. Hopefully I'll talk to my L today.

[Barrybran]

I've had five pages to catch up on this (bloody time difference) so this is just a quick post. When everyone says to stand up for yourself not everyone means to hammer her with lawyers. Yes, you may head down that path and I agree that you should be prepared. What everyone is referring to is that you ARE a doormat to her. You have said in the past five pages that you have your balls intact but I'm afraid that you may need to check yourself because they're sitting on your wife's mantle right now.

I mentioned the cheeseless tunnels earlier. Being nice to and considerate of her hasn't worked. Now you need to try a different approach. Some have suggested lawyers, some have suggested manning up and telling her what you want. My email suggestion was in line with your thoughts of avoiding the lawyers, determining what she wants, letting her know what you want and cutting the nonsense as well. Hopefully, she'll respond favourably and let you know what YOU need to do to get what YOU want. If she doesn't, then you have three choices: sit back and keep writing emails (the "status quo"), tell her what will be happening (won't work but hey, it's a different strategy and one she's using) or lawyer up. The others weren't having a dig when they said your actions indicated you don't want your kids. You need to look at things through your wife's eyes here and that is EXACTLY what she's thinking. She thinks you don't care. You need to ACT instead of SPEAK.

Anyway, the email is sent and hopefully she'll get back to you shortly. Be prepared to ACT from now on.

[Scorp7]

Thanks Barrybran, good points I definitely need to let my actions speak right now. It could get bumpy (or bumpier I should say) but I've got to do it. I've told my W, not asked, that I will be picking my D6 up from school this Friday. She will likely say no but I'm going to be there anyway. That will create some waves but I can't let her push me around anymore.

I'm 99.9% sure my W's biggest fear is losing time with our kids for anymore than the every second weekend she's dictated. It's going to be hard to convince her that it is in our kids best interests to have me in their life much more than that.