I can get how frustrating this must be for you in watching the paint dry at MLC Museum!
Question: Any thoughts/theories why he wants me to involve him in caring for the home/rentals/etc so much? He always tells me to call/text him if we need anything and when he gets to the house and things have been left broken he approaches me with disbelief/frustration that I didn't tell him.
I feel like he wants to help out to settle his feelings of guilt. As long as he fixes stuff by day, he can do whatever he wants guilt free by night. Is this just total pessimism?
I do not think it has to do with guilt feelings per se. It is more to do with non-pressure from you. The biggest thing for MLCer is feeling pressure and they need to get the f*ck outta there. Your H sees you as the lighthouse and a source of comfort to you. Those feelings are buried deep inside him. The MLCer likes to have this feeling that you're "still there" which is why we often look up and look in your direction just to make sure you're still around.
A better approach would be to treat him as a housemate. Back when I was in college, I shared a townhouse with 3 to 4 other housemates. They all came and went in all sorts of hours. I didn't worry about them. I lived my life. When we were all together on the very rare occasion on a Sunday, we'd all sit down and chat with each other. Does this example help a bit, Blues, in the detachment part for you?
If you would remember from Raine's threads, she went on with her life and did not apply pressure on to her H. Sure, she slipped up from time to time. But now look at her! Very nice reconciliation and piecing now.
