Well, lets see, can you identiffy a pattern of fear? Your R with your W its death, its gonna have to be a new one or none at all.

You need more time to work on yourself, time to see things in a different way and have the same level of acceptance you had when you first start datin her...
Now you are a drug addict, phisically your brain its activating opiaceous that made you feel addicted so you are in withdrawal and thats why you have fear, because you need to control everything so the things go the way will make you high.
I will follow sandi rules and not spend too much time with ILS and not ask MIL to talk to daughter, why? Because by doing so you and your ILS are just judging what she is doing, and the more she feels judge, the more that you are pushing her away, she might go out with you but not because she wants but because her parents are telling her to do so...now what do you want, her to be with you because she loves you unconditionally or her to be with you because her arounds tell her that is the right thing to do??
If she comes back to the R because of option 2 she will always be unhappy and in the future, things might get nasty, if she comes back because of option one... Hehehe dude then sky is the limit.
Let your ILS take the kids, and you go out or do whatever you want without your W, you have time man, dont kill possibilities by rushing this, we want answers withing a week because we feel that if we let time past, the more time that passes the less she will love us...
There are 2 loves, the addiction one and the unconditional one. She will withdrawal from you and then and only then she will start trully contacting her real feelings for you, and to withdrawal from you, times has to pass.

While that happens you take care of yourself and you dedicate time to love yourself and everytime you think about her, think, this time its necessary to contact with our inner core.

You have chances, as long as we are alive we have chances, you can choose to keep them intact, by following sandi rules and getting out of her way or loose them by following your addiction...

When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.