MIL called and said if I want to go for coffee and talk to let her know. She has asked me before. My wife's folks love me and my wife respects their opinion. Is there anything I could say or they could do to help? I told MIL I do not want to get into the issues of my R with their daughter and put ILs in the middle.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
ILs want to take the kids Saturday night so W and me can go out. I am not pursuing/asking W out. Do I let MIL ask my W about taking the kids so we can go out and see if she says ok. At this point in our R, I would be amazed if my W said yes if I asked. The other night the kids wanted to go out to dinner and she told me to take them because she didn't want me there and said she needed space. Suggestions anyone.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
Well, DB says not to let the families get in the middle. I would tend to agree. Your W is likely to feel ganged up on under the circumstances. If my mom did that to me when I was S'd, it would've been a long time before I talked to her again. Seriously. I don't think that MIL intervention now is likely to help and can really backfire. Just my two cents . .
Well, lets see, can you identiffy a pattern of fear? Your R with your W its death, its gonna have to be a new one or none at all.
You need more time to work on yourself, time to see things in a different way and have the same level of acceptance you had when you first start datin her... Now you are a drug addict, phisically your brain its activating opiaceous that made you feel addicted so you are in withdrawal and thats why you have fear, because you need to control everything so the things go the way will make you high. I will follow sandi rules and not spend too much time with ILS and not ask MIL to talk to daughter, why? Because by doing so you and your ILS are just judging what she is doing, and the more she feels judge, the more that you are pushing her away, she might go out with you but not because she wants but because her parents are telling her to do so...now what do you want, her to be with you because she loves you unconditionally or her to be with you because her arounds tell her that is the right thing to do?? If she comes back to the R because of option 2 she will always be unhappy and in the future, things might get nasty, if she comes back because of option one... Hehehe dude then sky is the limit. Let your ILS take the kids, and you go out or do whatever you want without your W, you have time man, dont kill possibilities by rushing this, we want answers withing a week because we feel that if we let time past, the more time that passes the less she will love us... There are 2 loves, the addiction one and the unconditional one. She will withdrawal from you and then and only then she will start trully contacting her real feelings for you, and to withdrawal from you, times has to pass.
While that happens you take care of yourself and you dedicate time to love yourself and everytime you think about her, think, this time its necessary to contact with our inner core.
You have chances, as long as we are alive we have chances, you can choose to keep them intact, by following sandi rules and getting out of her way or loose them by following your addiction...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
I kind of agree. That's why I said if you want to ask your daughter about taking the kids ..go for it. Im sure my W would rather spend the night at the casino with friends than with me. If MIL wants to caveat it with going out with me, I told her don't let on that I knew what she was up to and that her daughter may get mad at her for trying to "push us together".
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
Just found out my W told the wife of the guy she had the PA with that she is filing for D. This is supposedly a girlfriend of hers that she told me she still needed to see once in a while so she wouldn't wonder why she wasn't hanging out with her anymore...she told me she wanted to cut ties with her but couldn't because she would wonder why ...so instead she would just try to taper off the relationship. I am puzzled as to why she would tell her about filing ...to me it doesnt make sense ...ideas? or am I making something out of nothing.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
Waking up this morning I have once again come to realize that I cannot control what my W does ...so I'm not going to worry about it and focus on what I can control - me. Have a good day everyone!
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know it is difficult. However, you are right on that you can only control you. I keep reminding myself that's well. Focus on you
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Last night W brought up divorce, just saying her lawyer filed standard response and that next step is financial disclosures. She told me things have been nice for this past ONE week. The past two weeks I have been focusing on my 180s, detaching and giving her "space" which is what she wants right now. I let her know that we would never have the same relationship again -only a better one - if we could make it work because we both have learned from our mistakes. I said it breaks my heart knowing our daughter will only remember a time when their mom and dad were together as a distant memory and our son will never remember that time. I could see in her eyes that she felt the same way but W said she fears i would go back to my old ways. I am going to continue doing what I have been doing these past couple weeks ...focus on me, 180s, not bring up relationship issues/divorce at all, let her initiate conversation and listen and give her space, etc. Seems that she is happier ...last night's conversation broke the tension that has been "in the air" since she filed for D.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
