Here again, afraid it may be too little too late

[lost18]

Thanks, I'm really trying not to let the crap take over my thoughts. Makes it rough. I did text H this morning...always have a reason....let him know his truck (S18 is using) is in the shop again. Funny,anytime he says something that is "normal" he stops communicating. It's like he's afraid I will think he's wavering from his decision. This whole thing is ridiculous!

J

[lost18]

Def on a downward spiral. Maybe it's because we've been in contact and the more that happens the more upset I get that he did this the way he did. Kids are on spring break this week, and the time change is getting us a little bit.

Made the mistake of sending him an email. Was cleaning up my emails and came across one he had sent me awhile ago. It was a joke, a picture of something he said he wanted. I replied and said "just think, a couple more years and we could of got one, haha. " I know I shouldn't have, I did it because I wanted a response from him which I knew I wasn't going to get. Mad at myself now. Just wish I could get past this emotional rut I'm in right now.

J

[lost18]

lost, I can totally empathize with how you are feeling. I had a lot of trouble eating, sleeping, doing anything for those first few weeks.

Let me tell you something that helped me tremendously.

I realized that nobody was coming to save me.

Lost, YOU have to save YOURSELF.

STOP accepting the role of victim.

You said yourself, you have been isolated for too long. Change that. Go out and do things. I don't care what they are. Even if you just go to Starbucks and sit amongst other living beings, even if you don't talk to them.

PLEASE exercise. Force yourself. There were days when I wondered if I would pass out exercising bc I was so tired and so emotionally exhausted. And guess what? I never did, and I felt better afterward.

Are you going to immediately feel all better? No. It doesn't work that way. But as you get into the habit of doing things for yourself, you will start to notice that, bit by bit, you are feeling better.

YOU CAN DO THIS.


Struggling, this is great advice. I need to remember this!

J

[Lost!]

I know I've my own serous issue going on, but it break my heart to read all this sad post. Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves. We must learn to respect them. We must learn to listen.

The remedy for most marital stress is not in divorce. It is in repentance and forgiveness, in sincere expressions of charity and service. It is not in separation. It is in simple integrity that leads a man and a woman to square up their shoulders and meet their obligations. It is found in the Golden Rule, a time-honored principle that should first and foremost find expression in marriage.

Pls take care of yourself. Try and get some sleep and take care of you. Do not give up! but also do not allow the problem in your marriage to take over you.

[lost18]

I'm probably using my posts more to get my feelings off my chest than anything else. When I was here 10 years ago there seemed to be a lot more success stories. It seems they are few and far between now. The few I've read are years old. I've tried to find examples in my own life of people who have recovered from something like this and have come up empty as well. As much as it hurts to accept I do think my H is done. I need pick myself up and start becoming a better version of myself for me and my kids. It is hard to do with this overwhelming sadness I feel.

J

[ye21]

Well this its going to be as hard as you want, when we get the BD this are some of the things we do:
Google every question that we have, google how to stop your divorce, google how to make her miss us, how to made her come back, how to how to how to how to....
Then we start to put "strategies to work" sandi rules...no contact and then we google again: does no contact works? How to text her to made her come back... A lot of work right? And.... Well its not working...she is not coming back....
I have to rent a plane and fly around her job with a big thing that says: honey I dont want to loose you and I am suffering!!! Why you dont come back??
Nah it doesnt work either hehhehe
And here is the biggest struggle for all of us: well if I dont do everything I can she is never gonna come back and while I was googeling it says that if in 4 months ahe hasnt changed her mind it means I have no chance....

Now you come back here and start telling us your sitch, and you feel that the sitch of others similar to yours that ended reconciling are like yours so you can "made her love you again"
Unfortunatelly there is no formula or steps to made her come back, bit I have great news there is a system that works 100% in making yourself happier and free, and increases indirectly the probabilities of Reconciliation, do you know which one is that system?
Yep its DB and does exactly what it does, make you love yourself unconditionally....
But, bbb ut.. I saw in one of the chapters a sitch similar to mine and the guy reconcile with her, could I do exactly what he did?
Yes you can, it will work? I have no idea... Imagine M like a videogame, you start with 3 lifes... At that point you have a complete acceptance of your wife...level one ended without problems, then in level 2 there are some annoying enemies, sometimes she doesnt do what I want, doesnt watch the movie I want and other annoying enemies... They kill one of your lifes, but you keep going without realizing, anyway you have 2 more lives.

Then level 3 and 4 and it comes level 5 pufff the biggest enemy ever and he f u up completelly, this enemy its called Affair, wow how do a kill this enemy? I had never had to deal w him....yes you loose your 2 lifes before you blink hehhehe
Now there is zero acceptance, you hate her and many other feelings that control your life. Well this DB its your game guide to kill that monster, now you want to know why right?

To kill this monster follow sandi rules 100% and read about acceptance, when M have problems there is only one thing that has changed, the level of acceptance towards the other person, some people will tell you, go to the gym, run make friends, change jobs, date again....and they believe that will bring her back... Hmmm I dont think so, but everybody has an opinion, even your wife has one oh but hold on the opinion of your W its not following the same standars that you have, different moral values... What do you do then? You judge her, then that person that you loved a few months ago suddenly its another monster in that videogame...let me see how can I get ready of that monster.

You have 1000 weapons and the only thing you will know for sure about this forum is that 999 have been used by many users, many lost their M and some even came back with another destroyed M, but there is 1 weapon that people resist to get, the acceptance sword, that sword cuts every bad feeling, every pain and it changes you forever, you will never believe the same things you believe today.

When you complain or whine to her about why she did what she did. Hwr response always will be defensive, always, can somebody here verify that this statement its true?
Buuut and here its the greatest part, when you embrace acceptance and you dont judge her, then there you suddenly dont get affected but what she does or who she is with, isnt that amazing?
And then she might start very slowly even if you dont see it to come back, and to be a little more open, and the more that you accept the more she will come back.
Do you know why she has an affair? Because the OM who is also a human being, he is accepting her at this moment no matter what, and you her H not, you are not accepting without judging, so she spends dinner with him and he accepts her so no confrontation and she doesnt feel judge.....

Then she sees you or hear about you and what are you doing and how you show yourself? As a non accepting her situation now and a guy who is judging her, honestly which one of those guys would you choose?

Is there the "formula" to bring her back? I dont know but certainly its the only weapon you can use if you want to love yourself unconditionally, to support you untill you reach the level 100% of acceptance you have this forum to vent here and sandi rules to follow them 100% nothing else will help you.

You are doing great and just keep doing what you are doing, accept your feelings as they are now, dont fight them, its necessary to feel like that.

[ye21]

And remember, not GAME OVER yet

[lost18]

Thanks Ye, I know that what I've been doing the last couple of days is def moving backwards. I also know that DB is more about becoming a better you and learning to love yourself. Afterall, if you don't love yourself who else can?

I guess being in limbo is part of my problem. H said he wants a divorce, really has no plan, is more than likely involved with OW. He's willing to spend a couple of thousand dollars to fix an old truck but won't do anything to fix his family. I'm just really sad, frustrated and angry. My head is telling me to let him go but my heart doesn't want to.

I'm in a little slump right now, I'll turn it around.

J

[ye21]

Isnt that beatiful that you are at least awre of your feelings? What I great gift, live with them and let the universe take care of everything. Having feelings its who you are as well, and hapiness and sadness. Are both valid feelings, today its sadness...tomorrow? We dont know but live with it as well and to best of our abilities

[lost18]

I am trying to do things to keep busy, having a hard time staying focused. Took D12 to a movie last night, invited a friend and her D over today to hang by the pool. Really wish I would have made an appt with the C this week, I didn't because of spring break, but would really like to be able to talk to a unbiased person right now. Driving myself crazy because I can't seem to stop thinking about OW. Funny thing is I'm assuming I know who it is but really have no idea. BUT I really shouldn't be wasting my energy thinking about it at all. Grrr

J