Let me start off by saving that I believe in marriage and I believe in DB. DB saved my marriage in 2000 and saved me in 2007.

This is the situation as I see it:

April 2013: She consults with a lawyer. When you catch her, and only after you catch her, she tells you that she’s only protecting yourself in case you leave her. Really? Looking back do you really believe that now based on what has happened?

October 3, 2014: You come home from work, she and the kids are gone, and the police are waiting for you. You don’t get into a lot of details here (which makes me wonder) but apparently she tells the police that you threatened her six months ago and she has you arrested. Several times you are asked what the outcome of this was and you finally answer vaguely that you think it’s behind you because she “decided not to go any further with it AT THIS TIME.” This is key, I’ll come back to it.

At this point your best move would probably have been to file and immediate injunction against your W stating she removed your children from the family home without your permission, moved them four hours away, and is denying you access to them. You could make a strong case to return them to “what they are accustomed to.” However, she would fire back that she’s afraid of you, you’ve been arrested for harassment/battery/whatever it was, the kids aren’t safe with you, etc.

Now five months have passed and as people have repeatedly told you, you’ve done nothing tangible other than talk to a lawyer and ask for 50/50 custody via email. Now what the kids are accustomed to is living with their grandparents, going to school there, and seeing their father infrequently.

You also say that things have improved on that front because you had the kids for a whole week which included an extra two days at your daughters request. What you missed is that your W specifically said that this would never happen again and you shouldn’t put your daughter in the position of having to choose between her parents. And I agree with her.

Speaking of 50/50 custody, you say you want it but are you really aware of all that it involves? I have had 50/50 custody of my three children for over six years and let me tell you it’s not always easy. Are you prepared to adjust your work schedule when they are with you? Stay home when they are sick? Get them to and from school and all afterschool activities? Have everything they need at your house so they are not going back and forth? Adjust schedules in case you ever have to travel?

I’m curious what the waiting period is for a divorce in Canada. The actual time varies by state down here, but most state that you have to be separated for 6, 12, 24 months before a divorce can be finalized UNLESS both parties agree to waive this requirements. You need to ask your lawyer this if you already haven’t.

She’ll only communicate with you through her mother. You think that her parents are a strong influence on what she’s doing. Now brace yourself, but it appears that there is another person influencing her. It appears that she’s already in a relationship with someone else based on Facebook and your kids saying mommy texts him all the time.

Here’s what I think her gameplan is. She’s been planning this a long time and so far it’s all going according to plan:

She’s got a lawyer.
She has a definite separation date and the clock is ticking.
She’s established a new living arrangement for the children, with plans to establish a new home for them once financially viable.
She’s established that you’re comfortable with only seeing them every other weekend.
She’s got an ace in the hole that if you threaten to bring them back to your province, she’ll bring up your arrest.
She’s got the divorce petition already written up and let me tell you that it will be harsh. Marriage is irrevocably broken due to repeated mental cruelty, mentioning your arrest.

Look, I know this is harsh. BUT, I think you need to open your eyes to your new reality. DB says do more of what works. What you’re doing isn’t working.

Also another thing that helped me: Realize that things are the way they used to be and they never will be. But that doesn’t mean things in the future have the be the way they are now. But you have to take action to change that.

AGAIN you need to address custody NOW!!

To put it bluntly: You need to take your b*lls back. Because she’s got you right by them.

Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.