But when we do need to communicate . . . I find myself very frustrated, because I feel like attempting to communicate with him is, at best, a waste of my time. Then I get overwhelmed thinking about how it is going to be this way for the rest of my f-ing life, and there is no getting away from him ever.
It does not have to be this way for the rest of your life, if YOU want to change it. You just need to change the dynamic. And it is possible even if you don't think so right now. I promise. Your H and my H are very similar. When I read about your H, its feels like I am reading about mine to a T! My H got so verbally abusive and manipulative that I could not take it anymore. I refused to engage. I stopped trying to defend myself because it got me no where. It looks months, but our dynamic is much different now. My H finally realized that his manipulative tactics will no longer work. I can actually call him out on it now and he will stop (I have even gotten an apology or two).
Try not to view it as you giving in to your H. You are currently the only rational person in this sitch. Come on here and vent about your H to get it all out because you deserve to be angry and hurt by his current actions. I would be worried about you if you were not.
But then ask yourself if the issue is worth dying on a hill for? If it is, then stick to your guns. If not, then try and find a middle ground.
Originally Posted By: melissag
But when it affects me somehow, other than emotionally, then it gets much harder and I get very frustrated. Like the whole H suddenly demanding 50/50 custody thing. I can't just roll me eyes at that. It affects my life and my kids' lives.
This is the big stuff that I would focus on now with your H. The next couple months are going to be tough because you are going to have a lot to discuss. I know that your H mentioned pulling them out of their current school, right? You are also going to have to discuss custody.
It appears like your H is trying to use 50/50 custody as leverage at the moment (this sounds familiar). Based upon his job and his current "single life," it may be difficult for him to pull it off without changing one of those situations. He only changed his tune about 50/50 custody in response to your filing. Also, he has done nothing to date to change your current situation with the kids. He is not asking for 50/50 custody right now. He likes the current set up that you have because it gives him free time to live his single life. Actions speak louder than words.
