I'm sorry you were subjected to his selfishness, but it's not going to get any better. He's not going to pay the mortgage and unfortunately, that means a short sale or you find another way to save the house. Can you save the house? You might want to contact the mortgage company and see if he's started bankruptcy or foreclosure proceedings. I can't imagine the mortgage company allowing this much money to go unnoticed.
It's not going to get any better and the longer this goes on, the more the financial expenses will rack up. Have you removed your name off of the joint accounts? If you haven't, you might want to consider doing so. You do not want to be liable for any of the debt that he has taken on since leaving.
I do hope that you and your h can sit down and talk about what needs to be done financially. Of course, he can face you now...he's been gone a while and he's shut down emotionally and detached to the point that in his mind, he sees you as an "obstacle" and nothing more. His anger will keep what "love" he had for you stuffed down in his soul. If you do meet w/him, keep the emotions in check and treat it as a business deal...nothing more.
Good luck!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
