Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

Pondering this thought this morning.

I honestly feel that whatever happens from here on out I will be ok no matter what.

This is in keeping with DB principles. I feel, for the most part, that I have done a good job at detaching I am not totally there yet but I don't know if I ever be fully detached even if we are never together again.

I am the type of person that thinks about how people are doing even if I am no longer friends with them.

Anyway back to my thought.

I feel and say that I am detached enough to make life bearable again, I realize that I will have some days worse than others, my problem is what if I am not and I am just keeping a PMA and fooling myself?

If and when my W brings up a R talk or worse, how will I react?
Is this self doubt part of the process?

I know I can validate and empathize till the cows come home now.

My problem is, is validating and empathizing enough or is there something else that comes next?

More 180's I suppose?

If my W felt like she was not an equal partner(something that she expressed to me about 5 months ago) in our M and I attempt to show her that I think she was and still is by asking her opinion on things like what color should we paint a room or what style of carpet is best, what happens if she says" I don't think we should fix up the house and just put it on the market"? Me asking things such as this, is this a form of pressure or pursuing?

I want to fix up the house for 2 reasons First, because if we have to sell it it will possibly get a better offer and second, because I would like to feel good about where I live and improvements are always a nice way to do that, I feel. It is a shame I didn't do anything about this sooner but oh well it is what it is.

I can explain it this way to my W no problem but that is telling her my feelings and if she is against it and I still proceed with these things I want to do, Is that not forcing or controlling the situation? Something my W thought I did a lot of during our M.

And also by doing so, am I not allowing my W to feel like an equal partner?

I am confused by things like this in my sitch. My wife is used to the way I was not how I am now. The "its too little too late" phrase comes to mind.

I don't let that affect me and will continue improving myself for me. I understand the W feeling as she does and can only validate and empathize with her.

If she gets upset with me because I was never like this previously in our M, I know I must let her have those feelings because they are hers and hers alone. This just means that she may be taking notice that I am not sitting idle and letting myself wallow in self pity and I am doing everything I can to create a good situation that will allow for a possible R without expectations or R though.

Comments, thoughts, advice welcomed please.