Divorce on the table, Hoping for Miracle 2

[Groov]

W just sent me this email. This was after a discussion last week where I stumbled and listened and validated.

Groov:

I have thought a lot about what we discussed and why I was so upset by your attitude and your words.  You have made it clear what you want, but you do not seem to recognize that this divorce is moving forward.  So far, I have tried to be very generous with you.  I have offered you options that are extremely favorable and fair, even going so far as trying to give you the things that you expressed that you want.  After our conversation and your attitude, I am not sure you appreciate that, and how different things could be.

It seems to me that you perceive yourself a changed man, if that is the case, then surely you understand that you cannot erase the consequences of your choices for so many years.  You know what those are, I don't feel it necessary to elaborate. I have no desire to relive history or continue to remind you of our past pain.  My desires are that we can both move on as friends and partners in parenting for the very best future for our children.  This divorce will go much more smoothly if you choose to work with me, and not against me.  This would include things like not hiding commissions, not talking negatively about me to our friends and your family or causing pain to our children by telling them things like, I left without saying good bye or stories of your lengthy pursuit during our courtship. Such things will only cause pain and feelings of instability to our children.  This only stand to place a wedge between us and break down whatever good is remaining of our relationship.   Please believe me when I say that I do genuinely care about you and your happiness.  That despite the pasts pain and struggles, and the presents sting of your slandering my name to whomever you feel appropriate, this journey that we have traveled together has taught me a great deal, and I have no malice toward you.  Do not doubt for one second though,  that if you persist in these behaviors that there will be consequences to those choices in addition to those that we are both currently enduring.  None of which I ever wanted or deserved.

Let me be very clear about what that means: Instead of an uncontested,  modest, private divorce and genuinely taking into consideration the things that you or I want (ie, childsupport negotiation,  the condo,  alimony,  etc) we will sit down to mediation and likely before a judge.   These are the things that I will pursue: liquidation of all assets to reach a truely equitable 50/50 split.  Full child support with back support, full alimony, joint legal custody and primary physical custody.  Either way we do this,  I need you to understand that I do NOT feel that it is in the best interest of our children at this age, to bounce back and forth in a physical 50/50, and be unnecessarily placed in daycare or an after school program when they can be in the home and with their mother.

For the last eight months I have worked and sacrificed to avoid that with minimal support from you, and I'm saddened that you would so casually throw that out as "in the best interest of the children" scenario.  As a mother,  my primary responsibility in this life is to the nurturing and development of our children.  It is my divine gift and privilege, one that I will not relinquish.  I did not deserve the years of neglect, critisim and emotional abuse that came as a result of your selfindulgent choices and behaviors.  I loved you,  I supported you,  I was kind and charitable to you and your family.  I considered your needs and feelings in all of my actions,  and considered with respect and love the counsels that you gave me,  some of which belittled and robbed me of my to exercise my God given gifts toward service and charity.  I honored and followed you as the priesthood leader in our home despite the fact that you refused relationship strengthening activities like family activities, scripture study and temple attendance.  I will not make those mistakes again, and I will exhaust every last resource at my disposal to fulfill my roll as mother, as designed by God, and through the eyes of the law, in spite of this unfortunate eventuality . 

I do not wish for there to be more pain than necessary, but if you continue certain unproductive and destructive behaviors,  you will force me to pursue my rights aggressively. With my rights as a mother on the line, I will fight with everything I can.

I think that you sensed seriousness of our situation and my frustration and hopefully you understand my resolve.  

Again, I reiterate that I do NOT wish for this to go that way.  I want to resolve things peacefully and with dignity, and I think that you'd agree that every step I have taken to this point reflects that desire and hope.  It does take two to accomplish that though.

Please consider carefully this email. If you've truly spoken with legal counsel, than you already know that what I'm suggesting is more than fair and will likely come to pass weather we agree on our own or it's mandated by a judge.  However the latter would be significantly more costly.  I saw an old friend today who told me that they paid over 40k in legal fees and now have a lien on their home as a result.  Surely that eventuality is not in any of our best interests.

You have twenty four hours to respond as to which way you'd like to proceed.  I have given you a great deal of time to consider things. If you choose not to respond I will schedule a meditation date, and will then file with the court.  This will start the process, but will then start us down the more costly path.  Please consider and let me know.

Thanks,

Wife