melissa

[melissag]

Unfortunately, you are going to be in the person who needs to stop this pattern. Because lets face it, your H is going to continue to bully you in this manner because it has worked in the past. As much as it is unfair, I think that for the moment you should ignore all the crap that he put into his email. Even if you point it out, it will get you no where.

Well, that I know for sure. I need to just continue to ignore any kind of manipulation, bullying, accusations, etc. Just stick with the facts. That is what I have been doing. So yeah, I won't get riled up (well, I do, but then I vent about it and reply without being riled up).

If you ignore the tone of the email, your H has some valid points that you may even agree with including the fact that you that you dont want to shelter your kids and you probably dont want to let them quit just because they dont want to do something.

Well, I don't agree with the sheltering argument at all, no. I don't think that we do that to the extent that it harms them. And no, I don't want to let them quit just because they don't want to do something. But that has nothing to do with this conversation. I never said that my D9 not wanting to go has anything at all to do with it. I clearly told my H my concerns, and none of them related to my D9's feelings about the trip.

With respect to the field trip, what is the main reason that your D does not want to go (not your reasons or your H's reason). Does she not want to go because of the car ride and getting sick? Or did she mention other reasons? Maybe go back to her and ask her to tell you again exactly why she does not want to go.

I don't think this really matters. *I'm* the one who doesn't want her to go.
(She also doesn't want to go, but that's not what is driving my thinking on this issue.)

So my H set it up so that if I say she doesn't want to go, then I am a terrible parent for sending her the message that she can ditch things she doesn't want to do (and I am ignoring the irony and hypocrisy there). If I say it's because *I* don't want her to go, then I am full of [censored] and haven't really changed anything about myself.