WANT TO COAST ON FLAT LAND

[Ambivalent]

Today was a rollercoaster day.

My person of interest and I had a healthy conversation about what we wanted and how we felt.

Then I got the mail, and my H. is 15,000. In arrears on the mort. He is sabotaging any possible way of me keeping the house. I'm NOT a happy camper and I finally texted him after complete darkness, since right before Christmas.

I told him I was disappointed in his behavior and treatment of me, and our relationship of over 33 years. That I wanted him to let me go and start moving forward. He kept telling me I should get a realtor friend of mine to sell the house (short sale) and that we should use a mediator.

I told him I strongly disagreed, that I wanted an attorney to represent my interests and I wanted the house.

He kept pushing me to use a mediator and I said no... then he tried to bully me and say perhaps I should raise the money for the attorney... right after he told me I could take 2,700.00 and use it to retain one!

I told him I didn't appreciate him trying to bully me, and was he now going to renege on what he just offered, because I didn't agree with him?

He kept pushing, and I asked him to stop. I told him I was going to be frank, and that I did not trust him. He has been lying to me for years, that I had to protect my interests.

I said that I was extremely disappointed in his choices and behavior. I deserved respect. I shared that I have been nothing but accommodating, kind, loving and patient with his behavior and choices and perhaps he should look at how he has affected me and the girls.

I stood my ground, I told him that I thought it was sad and wrong that he would not speak to me nor face me, no matter how he feels about us or our old marriage

I told him that I wanted to move on and share love and be with someone who appreciates me. That I wished him well and I hope he finds inner peace and joy.

I don't want animosity nor ugliness, but I was holding firm to having an attorney.

He said he would call on Wednesday if I so chose, and that he could now face me...@@. UUUUGH, I am not feeling charitable presently.

I am feeling anger towards the selfishness of someone who has chosen to not communicate , then blow apart. Now because HE wants something, everyone else has to suffer. I'm displaced, the girls are losing their family and possible inheritance. He has made decisions about NOT paying things, so he can do what he wants.

So yes I'm feeling anger and impatience as I would with a teenager. I feeling some depression creep in and anxiety is rising.

" I do not like this sam I am, I do not like green eggs and ham!"

I don't want to be bitter, but I don't believe he should escape consequences of his narcissism.

Going to sleep now, this is taking a toll on my p.m.a. and I'm starting to get drowsy...