Yes, I see the wisdom in a soft changing of stances, and really getting my plan down. I am taking the kids away for a week, in a week, where I expect NC, which will help enforce a bit of this I think
Today, she was at the house while I was at work. We have a nanny as well, so she does not have to be here. When I got home, I told her she could go, I was good. I said this because I didn't want her to think I need her. She got very offended, and told me I was giving her mixed messages, not thanking her for making dinner etc, but then telling her to leave. Talk about reinforcing how I need to send a consistent message. However, coming to the house to make dinner for the kids etc is her need.
She feels guilty as she has made herself unavailable tomorrow to go visit the OM. I'm just putting it out of my mind at the moment as I can't control it. It will be harder tomorrow. It kills me to think that after all that has gone on, the pain that has been caused, she is so confused and scared that she escapes to the OM. My wife has a history of some OCD, some anxiety, and some depression. She avoids lots of things because of her addictive personality. My fear is her A has become addictive. She agreed with me when i brought it up when this first broke. I have not brought this up or months now, as it is not appropriate anymore.
On a side note, she hired people to move the bed, a couch and some other stuff today while my two older kids were in school, so that is solved.
I will take more time to reflect and plan, but I'm really leaning towards tougher love. The consistent emotional fragility card that is being played by her will reduce for now any exposure options. I feel I did too much of this early on when I first found out. I know how badly that did for me, so I need to be cautious and continue with my plan.
As always, thanks for the advice. It helps me reflect and keep my head on as best I can. As I have said, it is life saving in many ways. I appreciate the posts very much.
