My viewpoint probably diverges a bit from the norm because of my own family, in-laws, and my own experience. I have never experienced anyone in my family, or extended family, or in-laws (and there are many) who have been cheated on, or who have cheated, in the sense that they kept it secret and that it would a surprise to the "betrayed" person. There are several instances of marriages which are more or less open -- I say "more or less" because it's not like they announced it or "came out of the closet", but everybody knows that everybody is in on it and they seem to prefer that arrangement for different reasons in the different cases.
Yet, when I turn on the radio or TV, and listen to relationship and marriage advice shows, or read about troubled relationships on forums, I hear endless accounts of secret cheating and people being "devastated" and splitting up and being unable to deal with their spouses infidelities.
So here are two fundamental viewpoints I have which probably differ from most people. But I see them as healthy viewpoints, and I see that if you don't have these viewpoints, you're vulnerable to all kinds of problems and pain:
1. If you're dissatisfied with an aspect of your marriage, talk about it with your spouse. If it doesn't get resolved, be honest about the fact that you would like to meet that need with someone else. Of course, I mean, you'd have to be a dunce not to expect someone to have that temptation, so just be honest about it. Besides, that could prompt your spouse to do something about it. And if they choose not to, they know full well what the deal is, that you might indeed be tempted to go somewhere else. But then if it doesn't matter enough for the spouse to do anything about it, they probably don't mind you going somewhere else anyway.
2. If your spouse goes somewhere else, and they really enjoyed it, why would should you be angry about their happiness? If you really love them, shouldn't you be happy that they found happiness? I can understand jealousy, especially if the cheating is done secretly. But if you've been talking about it all along, that doesn't make sense to me.
3. A long-term marriage is about a whole lot more than sex. So I'm perplexed every time I hear that you need to get a divorce every time somebody put a body part into somebody else, as if that relates to your property, health insurance plans, where you live, child custody, etc.
