Wife is Continuing Affair- When do I start LRT

[sandi2]

Since she has "threaten" again (saying you would be sorry), I believe you should not expose her to everyone at this time. I think you need a professional's advice b/c your W is emotionally abusing you with her frequent threats to harm herself (or maybe others). I doubt seriously any DB coach will tell you to expose, ever. Exposure is not part of their program, but there are other programs that have it. And, whether she's serious or not, you still have to take responsibility for how you respond. If she threatens one minute and flirts the next, the girl is obviously unstable. Who knows what she might attempt if she felt exposed to her entire world? I sure don't know.

Exposure is a controversial subject on this board. DB doesn't encourage it. I believe some former members were banned due to trying to help, or encourage, others to expose, but IDK. But the mods watch some of us old timers, and especially those of us who believe using a tougher approach. I'll just say, we have to be careful how we word things.

Exposure worked well in Starsky's stitch. However, in my stitch it would not have worked well at all. I was not quite in the shape your W seems to be, but if I had been exposed to everyone, I believe I would have reacted badly and made some very poor decisions. I'm not saying you should buckle under emotional blackmail, but I'm telling you to be wise in this. I for one, will not encourage you to expose her while she is threatening to do harm.

Another thing to think about is how quickly and extensively you switch to taking a tough love approach from the softer stand you've had. Don't bite off more than you can swallow at one time. Now if it were not for her mental instability, I would probably be telling you to turn up the heat. However, due to the state she's in, I strongly suggest you slow your fast planning down some. I know you said you've done a lot of thinking, but you need to do more before acting. I often see a LBH go from one extreme to the other too quickly, and he doesn't get the results he thought he would......then says DBing didn't work for him. I'm not backing down on anything I've said previously, don't misunderstand, but I don't want you to fire the gun and then come back and ask what to do next. KWIM? Get your plan down pat before you act! And wait until you have more advice & information under your belt.