I agree Drew, the right way to do things is sort things out with our kids first and then deal with everything else after that.
It would be far better for my kids and the sitch with my W if she was not living with her parents. They deserve to have their own place so I don't want to stand in the way of that. I do however need to live someplace myself as well and that will have to be close to the kids schools so they can be with me half the time.
What if I were to respond with something like this:
Hi W, thanks for getting back to me. I appreciate your desire to sell our home so that you can purchase a new one for yourself. I do not want to stand in the way of that. I do however also need to plan my future which will include having the kids with me half of the time.
My main concern is that our children be allowed to spend time with each one of us in an equitable fashion. I would really like to hear your thoughts on my most recent communications regarding the proposed schedule for the children.
It has already been over a week since I've seen them and I am very much looking forward to seeing them again. I will be at D6's school to pick her up on Friday. D6 also has told me she needs new rubber boots so I will buy those for her and bring them this weekend.
Can you please let me know your thoughts on this schedule by the end of this week?
Thanks
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
I'm not sure why you keep dancing around and treating her with kid gloves. What are you so afraid of? Not to be harsh, but she's already moved your kids four hours away and dictates exactly when and how you will see them.
Ask for what you want. Firmly and directly.
That's been one of my biggest takeaways from the whole DB process. And it's served me well in all aspects of my life since I came here.
Hold your head high. Take her out of the equation.
Ask for what YOU want.
You.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
I have been treating my W the way I would expect to be treated myself. If she chooses to be nasty or cold, that is her choice but I do not want to let her actions dictate my own. It's true, I have allowed her to dictate things in our R since she's been gone (something I thought was necessary since I was a big time controller when we were together) but I can no longer allow her to do that when it comes to our kids.
I have avoided bringing up lawyers with her because I, ME, MYSELF, do not want to go there if at all possible. I am steadily being pushed by her into having no choice but to go the legal route but I want to be able to look back 10 years from now and know that I have her every opportunity to not have things happen that way.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Mach, I agree. The problem is, in Canada, if she will not agree on a parenting plan then we do have to go the legal route. Going that way we could be looking at spending 50000 to 100000 in legal fees. If that can be avoided, then as a responsible parent I need to try everything I can to avoid it.
It may well be futile. If my W refuses to listen to reason then so be it. But, waiting another week or two to bring the L into the sitch isn't going to make much difference. Besides that, I have also been advised that legally I am in a better situation if I let my W file for D first. There are possibly some things I can do to attempt to obtain custody of my kids without D but the odds of success doesn't sound promising going that way.
I'm planning on speaking to another L or two this week to get as many opinions as possible.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
