I need to do more background reading as well, but it looks like you are at the point where you are looking in the mirror and seeing the real you. It hurts man....I know it does. But this is huge! You just took the red pill!
Most people never get to this point....they just blindly keep doing the same thing over and over without ever realizing their part in things. They blame others, make excuses, and then wonder why their relationships are hollow, broken.
It does hurt, its hurts badly. Im finding I have to make a constant effort and realization of my actions/behavior. Even though Im trying, I fail quite often. I do however, feel fortunate that Im catching myself with my issues, and I try to correct them immediately. Ive also notice, just talking slower, with lower tone of voice, and not responding too quickly helps in many circumstances.
I still have alot of difficulties talking to WAW. I try and start off a conversation calmly, with an open mind, a PMA. I make a conscious effort to avoid controlling. But the conversations seem to go astray.
WAW has been very angry towards me the last few days and it comes through in her voice and body language. Maybe its the stress of her moving out, and the true realization things are going to be very different for us and more importantly the boys. IDK. Nothing I say or do comes out right. I could have the best intention, speak with a soft voice, use eye contact, truly listen but somehow the conversation gets turned around. I try validating, but there also comes a point I must defend myself for False or "Hypothetical Accusation" she will throw at me. (yes I said Hypothetical accusations) She has done this our entire M. She will take a possible event (usually something pertaining to the boys) and throw out doubts about my ability to handle the "said" situation. I noticed that if its not "her" way its the wrong way.
On a positive note, I had a great weekend fishing with my boys on saturday. We caught a ton of fish and the boys had a blast. I've also found myself detaching from WAW. If start focusing on her, I try and immediately change the focus back to myself. Its working so far and I feel much better and I've even been sleeping through the night, YEAY!
On a side note: I wanted to share a song that I feel rings so true with many of our stitches. Ive heard it several times before, but never truly "LISTENED" until the other day. Hope you enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMEARFbMh0I
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
