Reaching out for support and advice 3

[unbidden]

Blues, you are being very strong for yourself and your kids. You should be proud. Hang in there. You're doing so well under the circumstances.

[Lostinpain]

blues there is something that sounds so familiar to me... the expectations you have of your spouse that go from completely reliable to null and void. It's so hard to trust someone for so many years and then just let go of the fact that the same person is no longer trustworthy. I had trouble with it myself. The first reality kicked in when my car tire popped and he didn't go to any extent to help me (just told me where I could buy a tire). The H I knew would take work off make sure I was ok, fix the tire, and made sure I got home. That's gone now. It's hard to take in, and it's also about learning that you're the only person you can depend on. But whatever doesn't kill us will make us stronger. So keep pushing forward.

[Georgiabelle]

Hi BG,

I'm just catching up on your situation. It sounds like your kids are lucky to have such a wonderful mom. Sadly, I find familiarity in some things about your h. It is extremely difficult to watch someone who was so formerly devoted to their family, act like a self absorbed a$$. But, the reality is that it is all about them. My h used to be very close to his parents speaking to them 4 or5 times a week. He no longer speaks to them. He used to tell funny stories about the kids and take tons of pics. Now, he only posts a pic of the kids because deep down under all of the turmoil and pain, he desperately wants to be seen as a good dad.

Wonka is correct in that they have no coping skills. Zero. Zilch. That's why they live an entirely different life-because it feels pressure free. My h never asks or texts about the kids and thinks I am the worst human being on the planet. However, not so terrible that I can't take care of them 99% of the time:)

I hate that your older child is struggling. Kids are incredibly perceptive but it doesn't lessen the pain of the situation. You are doing a fantastic job. Leave him alone. It's your h's journey. I am fiercely independent, but that doesn't mean I don't miss having someone else watch them while I run to Target. We just go as a group now:)

Live your life. Enjoy your kids. I know it hurts, but you are so lucky to have each other. You are strong. Take care.

[juliegayle]

It is funny how your expectations flip. At first you are looking for your h to act like the good husband or father you knew. Now you expect him to let you down. I know I am always surprised if h doesn't sneer or glare at me or actually follows up on something.

You have a good system and it is great that grandparents are available to help.

[bluesgal]

Thanks Unbidden Sometimes I'm so busy being bummed about this sitch that I forget that I'm a pretty darn good mom!

Lost and Julie: It is amazing how we can't count on these people anymore. Some days I feel like the only thing I can rely on H to be is unreliable. And you're right..I am so blessed to have family here to help me. Julie, I am so bummed your family is so far away. Sometimes I wonder what your life would look like right now if they lived closer.

GB: Our H are so similar. I wish we had anything else in common Julie's H is also very angry. You should check out her thread-she's been very patient.

[bluesgal]

Here's the link to my last thread "Reaching out for support and advice 3"

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2437181&#Post2437181

[bluesgal]

Oh crap! Seriously, one of these times I will link these thread correctly. Until then:

Here's the new thread (I hope)

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2437184&#Post2437184