Hi, I have been reading along from time to time, and posting occasionally, but getting on with life. This is an update on my strange xh. We have now lived separately for over 8 years, and the divorce was finalised more than 3 years ago (took two years but there we are)
Most recently my xh has been attempting to sue me for assets which he says (incorrectly) belong to him. This would involve overturning the divorce settlement. So I have been dealing with threats of legal action for nearly 9 months, and I thought he had exhausted every avenue. How wrong I was.
The latest antic is to have me accused of criminal fraud! So I am having to get my accountant to write to the companies regulator, who has received allegations from my xh that my company was wound up incorrectly. Offences which carry up to a seven year prison sentence.
Needless to say I did not commit fraud - my accountant did everything on my behalf, and since he has acted for me for more than 20 years, I do not think has committed fraud on my behalf.
What I do not understand is the level of animosity that he still has towards me. It is as if I left him, and then did all I could be ruin him, instead of vice versa.
I have blocked his emails, and do not take phone calls from him, so there is no contact, but I honestly do not know what to do. I just feel as if it will never ever stop. It isn't simply annoying, it is threatening, and a little frightening.
Has anyone else had this kind of threatening behaviour go on for so many years? Each allegation takes time and money to deal with.
Sorry you're still having to deal with this at such a level. Each situation is different, but yes there are several who have. Mine still has a tremendous amount of animosity toward me, and similar to you I've wondered why it is as if I did something to her instead of the other way around. As close as I can figure, it's an attempt to not face her own actions and thoughts.
Knowing it's not about me, helps me to step back and feel sorry for people who are trying so hard to help themselves by trying to hurt others.
In your case, you may want to check with a lawyer and see if you can make a motion to stop the frivolous and costly lawsuits as an undue burden on the courts and yourself. Perhaps there is some sort of protection the legal system can offer.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Bea, I'm very sorry that he's still at it. Your accountant and lawyer have responded to him about his allegations and that they were unfounded. I don't think he's going to be happy until he brings you to your knees and you have nothing left.
I think part of his problem is that he is miserable and not happy about how life didn't turn out the way he thought it would. He's not happy about the fact that you've moved on, made a life for yourself and yes, you are able to purchase a home, remodel and travel. He probably is so tied up w/expenses that he can't afford to do all of the things that you are doing and he can't stand the fact that you are happy w/your life. Bottom line...you are happy and he's not. He can't stand the fact that you aren't giving him the time of day and he wants your attention, positive or negative, but he doesn't realize that the way he's going about it will kill whatever he is trying to gain in the way of a relationship w/you and your family.
Continue to block his calls and do not respond to his emails, etc. It's time to pull out all of the legal action stops your lawyer can find. Have you spoken to your lawyer about filing harassment charges against him?
I think he's going to be a PIA until the day he's 6 feet under.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for the responses: he seems to stop just short of what is deemed frivolous, and I am not sure I want him to know how much it is bothering me by filing harassment charges, even if I can make a good case.
I think he does want my attention, but am not sure why - the man walked out without a second look! I try not to let it worry me but last round of allegations of serious fraud are pretty disturbing. I am currently battling with dermatitis, stress related, and I don't like it!
I wonder what we do wrong in their eyes, except continue to breathe, and as you say, be happy.
No-one gains much, it seems to me, from MLC. We grow and learn, but at a pretty high price. I did not expect to enter the latter part of my life with a furious and vengeful ex-husband, after a long and happy marriage. If he had simply walked away, I think eventually I would have dealt with it. It is the continual anger that is hard to deal with.
I am really sorry your ex-H is putting you through this.
They really never do go away - and they never really do stop thinking about us, even if it means trying to destroy our hard earned equilibrium. Never mind, as you say, they are the masters of their own misfortune.
I hope your lawyer may have some advice for you, maybe not harrassment charges but some sort of restraining avenue. I know there are ways to also recoup legal costs, but often that means heading to court.
If not Bea, continue to ignore him as best you can. And try (even though I know how hard it is) to relax and take care of you.
I wonder how many of them feel this way, but just don't act out like your wackadoo ex?
I say do whatever you can to stop the nonsense. File harassment and get a restraining order. At this point Bea, who cares what he thinks, just draw a legal boundary.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Yea, the change of seasons brings the crazy out of them....
It sounds as if you have the truth, and know the truth in your transactions with him...
As Job said, he is scrambling for anything that can relieve what he is feeling inside. And who gave you permission to be at peace, and happy ???
: )
Just stay your course. I know how frustrating it is, and how intimidating that it can be, I haven't had it this bad, and I feel for you having to deal with this schidt for so long.
Is there any chance that he is correct in any of this ??
If not, then address what needs addressed, and let the rest fly away in the wind....
Sadly, the "crazy" never fully seems to escape from some of them...
Like Cadet said on Peace's thread, my Mother has been "MLC" since 1973. Time has changed nothing for her, and she can be quite civil to every other person in her life, except my Father...
Could it be many of the MLCs are being misdiagnosed and have multiple issues? A lot of people go through difficult times and have mental illness and like in my case emotional and physical abusive behaviors that are the crux of the sitch. In those cases we need to move on since DB may not be appropriate. I've been reading the threads, books and DB coaching, etc. and well I see some repeats of postings that are similar, which means to me there are multiple sitches for these people and the best thing to do is go on in our lives even though we still love the spouse (ex or whatever they've become). The bottom line is that we need to know truly what we're dealing with and then respond appropriately, because we have to love ourselves first and then give the loved one to God. We can't control other people. They can run from themselves and all other people, places and things, but nobody can run from God!
Thanks for stopping by my thread. The situation is complicated. There is no case, but my xh believes or acts as it her believes there is one, and he is clever enough to persuade anyone who does not have the facts at their finger-tips that maybe there is at least something that needs to be looked into.
So, difficult to prove harassment, and to get restraining orders etc, without having to argue a fairly complex case. The fact is that everything was settled at the time of the divorce, but my xh chooses to behave as if it hadn't been finalized correctly. The moment the facts are represented, the case evaporates, over and over again. But he goes to a different arena. So far he has tried revisiting the divorce settlement, revisiting company law, and now he is claiming criminal fraud, via the companies regulator.
